Saturday, December 29, 2007

Root and Branch

"Twisty old devil.
Looked as if it held a grudge in every scabby branch, and if you touched it there'd be sharp, pointy bits, like thorns. And it wouldn't give you any fruit, on principle, wassail or no wassail, because, left to rot, apple trees ...
...they grows resentful."

Isn't that just great? It sums up why I like the Pagan slant on things, it gives nature 'teeth', it restores power to living things and revives the sinister - creating a healthy respect for ecosystems. Wicca embraces the Shadow, light is not light without the dark, things have to decay so that life can be reborn. The Seasonal Dance embraces death as well as life, the Crone is as important as the Maiden, the Sage is as potent as the young Hunter.

I like the beauty of the sinister, the hidden creepiness behind nursery rhymes, the dark underbelly of fairy tales. The glorious artwork of Arthur Rackham is a personal favourite and encapsulates what I am talking about, it also brings me back to trees. Rackham's trees are utterly wonderful! As I look out of my living room window at the remnant of Bagott Wood striding across the skyline - stark, brooding and infinitely beautiful, I know that a million memories are stored amongst the roots, bark and branches. Oh how I wish there were Ents in the world! I love trees - one of the reasons paganism appeals - root and branch are part of the culture.

My next post will be, 'What it means to be a Witch!' Kahless requested this some time ago, and I am busy writing notes for you all. Plus there is Bobo's tag about music, (cough cough ... much shuffling embarrassment to come with that one).

Have a lovely evening, and while you are doing so, remember to embrace the shadow, make peace with the dark side, let what you no longer need fall to the forest floor and look forward to sunlight and joy in the new year.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Full Moon Magic

Every full moon I draw my guides and symbols for the month. When the moon is full the tides of intuition and magick flow at their strongest. It is a time for searching the subconscious, bringing that which is known but unseen into conscious awareness.

Last night I stood outside in the crisp Winter air and allowed the silver light of the moon to bathe my skin. She was so bright - no other lights were needed, and living in the countryside as I do, the stars could be seen shining brightly in the dark, dark vault of heaven.

Then I slipped inside, cast a simple circle with a staff and silent salutation to the four quarters; then drew my symbols.

My Goddess for this lunar month is Nut - for those that read me regularly you will know that I see the Goddess as symbolic of the life force of the planet. The power of the atom manifest in nature. To paraphrase the wonderful Starhawk, you don't 'believe' in a rock, it just is; So it is with Goddess energy. Nut appeals to me, her energy is what I need at this present time - with dissertation looming and a full time job on the cards, as well as dealing with complex emotional issues - Nut is Goddess of Mystery.

Reach for me
touch me
I am always beyond your grasp
Don't try to figure me out
for you can't
I am the ever-present unfathomable unknown
I am the immensity of the star-filled sky
I am beyond human comprehension
In the vastness of my being
I am a mystery
even to myself

This is really relevent to me, the beauty and the power of the words have touched me; it could have been written about me - well the bits that do not tap into narcissistic goddess hood! I do feel as if I am a mystery even to myself. Maybe that is why I analyse others - it brings me closer to understanding me.

We all have mystery within us. How fabulous! The mystery of life and the beauty of the universe is what is missing in the depths of depression, and the nightmare of constant anxiety. Mystery always needs to be restored to tread the path to health and fully experience life.

I wish you all a restful and happy Christmas, a serene and successful New Year; most of all I wish you all a great big portion of magical, elusive, exciting and inspiring Mystery.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

A Christmas Carol - therapy in action!

Yesterday I did my huge pile of ironing. It had been slowly brooding in the corner of the Snug and I knew that it had to be tackled. I also knew it was a good opportunity to drink Snowballs and watch something super Christmasy.

I had wrapped the last of my presents - there were lots of them, they were all shiny and elegant, beribboned and under the tree, (a glorious solstice pine festooned with baubles and pretty things). So with the last of the preparations taken care of it was time to iron. Now I dont mind ironing - the rhythmic nature of it is soothing, the folding of clothes, the warm comforting sound of the steam. Baby Vix loves it when I iron - she curls up on the sofa and we watch something together.

Yesterday, in order to be suitably festive, we chose A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart. It is utterly wonderful, and I highly recommend it; His one man show is even better so I have been told!

As I watched with all the usual emotion, I was aware of how this was a Script story for me. As a child I loved this tale, as an adult I am always struck by its genius and what a magnificent social commentary it was for its day. I used to read this story every Christmas as a kid - I was always going to wind up as a psychotherapist!!

What a tale of redemption, of change, of hope.

The ghost of Christmas Past deconfuses the Child, clarifies the impasse between Scrooges Be Strong parent driver behaviour and negative script messages inherited from a grief stricken father, dead mother and a host of schoolmasters, and his Child need to feel, to enjoy, to be important and to belong. The Ghost brilliantly enables Scrooge to do his Early Scene pieces.

The Ghost of Christmas Present continues the decontamination work of the Adult ego state, and enables Scrooge to receive good healthy Modelling of how to enjoy and to feel. He opens up the possibility of belonging by offering a reparitive parenting experience and a good healthy dose of reality testing.

The Ghost of Christmas Future confronts Scrooge's discounting (cathexis style for you TA people)he offers a projected outcome and the full horror that entails. He also employs a rather hypnotherapeutic style, taking Scrooge into the future, allowing him to anchor his redecision using negative reinforcement to drive home the necessity of change.

How marvelous it all is. Psycho babble (worthy therapy speak!)aside it is the most fabulous story. Every time Scrooge laughs for the first time following his salvation, the hairs stand up on my arms. I always want to dance around with joy when he embraces life, the season and himself for the first time in many years. I love it when he turns up at his nephews house, and experiences acceptance and reconciliation... and when Bob Cratchett gets his wage rise, well - I usually burst into a spontaneous round of applause.

I am a natural Saviour, not always a bad thing - has to be controlled to give space for others to make their journey in and with their own strength, but oh how I love to facilitate and witness that process, and jump for joy when the beauty of the soul emerges and decides to live!

"It was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!"

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Almost Yule

The end of the year - and the beginning of a new one always inspires me to make changes, set goals, do things differently. Its a natural process that most of us go through. Gyms and slimming clubs brace themselves for the January rush, journals get kept religiously, and all sorts of fresh starts burst out of us as we seek to change!

This next year I am going to set a few goals - just a few as opposed to the 30 I set myself last year.

I am going to write my dissertation.
I am going to get a counselling job, as opposed to self employed insecurity.
I am going to acheive an ideal weight of 10 stone 2 lbs.
I am going to become more active spiritually - observe the festivals and moons, preferably in a new group
I am going to maintain and deepen my friendships

That will do for now.

I am also going to write more on my blog - use this space as an online Book of Shadows and share my enthusiasm for wicca,female energy and divinity,celebrating the masculine too!

I have been through a difficult time. Its been a rich learning process. This year I want to sparkle!

Monday, December 03, 2007

Very quick quickie

Pixie's party was fab. I shall put up a proper post tomorrow, yule tide preparations and the growing pile of admin not withstanding.

Recently I have not had the energy or inclination to blog. Tooooo many domestic issues, and the fear that blogs allow free expression of thoughts and feelings that can change, that are a progression to an end point. Unfortunately that process can lead others to draw false conclusions, or become afraid or suspicious or just feel frightened that there is this whole world out there that seems dazzling when in fact its just people writing about the stuff going on in their lives.

So I have been withdrawn, a hermit phase which I am ready to emerge from.

Love you all - in the way that one can love the object of internal projection without external reality checking, although that does not apply to the 1,2,3,4 ... 5,6 that I do know face to face. Love you lot too :o)

Friday, November 02, 2007

Its Friday night .... on the sofa

Hello everyone - its the start of the weekend, yay!

Got nothing much to say so I will just write some random stuff. I am in good spirits having consumed a pint of 'loverly cider' and half a bottle of very very good white wine. The new Eagles CD is on the stereo, I like the Eagles - I went to see them in concert this Summer. At least I think it was this year, the whole year seems to have been a blur. But anyway they were fantastic, they still got it even though they are ancient! The latest CD is as good as anything they have ever done. Which brings me to the meme tag administered by Bobo - I have not forgotten oh Mighty one - I have been planning it and will get my finger out over the weekend.

Tonight me, Mr Vix and Baby Vix (14 and red hot!) were watching Frasier. An absolute favourite (reminiscent of the Mighty Bobo mentioned above) and in the episode we were watching there was an altercation between Niles and Frasier about sibling rivalry. I exclaimed to Mr Vix (both of us being first born) that I could not be the youngest, absolutely not .... Baby Vix cleared her throat and gave me one of those fabulous disapproving looks that only offspring can reproduce; she being the youngest. It was priceless .... still laughing about it.

Oh yes, and I am officially a pervert .... having observed Baby Vix flirting outrageously with the lad down the road I observed that he was very broad, very fit and hell, very young!!!! She was outraged and is now seriously worried about my attendance at the village bonfire tomorrow. (BBY VIX NOW! SHE IS CONSTANTLY TLKING ABOUT HIM!!!! and how she ses she can get him in a flash if she cliks her fingers! I'M VERY CONCERNED LOL!! AND VVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY embarrassed!!!!! lol!)

So I think I should sign off now, hanging my over 40 year old head in shame and leave you to enjoy the samhain pics - hope you are all feeling wonderful!!!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Samhain is a coming

After the most torrid and shitty weekend I am feeling a bit more bouncy today. Bouncy is good! I have to go out in about ten minutes to do my last evenings work at the Day Spa I 'used' to work at. My new NHS contract meant it was no longer viable. As I sit here now I really wish I had been a bit more ruthless with my notice period. Hard day at the surgery does not make for the freshest of minds, especially with an hours drive there and back, but never the less it has to be done.

Thought I would leave you all a quick post before I go because it is Samhain on Wednesday. As part of my build up to the big day I have been burning a particularly lovely incense from Star Child and thought I would share the write up with you, to give you all a flavour of what is happening at this point in the turning year ...

The leaves are falling and the life force is in obvious retreat. Nature is preparing for its winter sleep. The Sun God is dead and the Earth Goddess is mourning. But in the hidden depth of the earth, death works its alchemy of transformation. Imperceptibly it decomposes and regenerates so that the litter of leaves and debris become the fertile ground that will nourish next year's growth. The veils between the worlds are thin at this time of the year and life and death are but opposite poles of the same continuously regenerating energy.

Samhain is a time to honour the dead and to contemplate the mysteries of life, death and regeneration. It is a time to turn inwards and in the depth and silence of our souls we confront our shadows and our own mortality.

So there you have it, couldn't have put it better myself (well a bit of that is actually me). In alchemical terms it is a festival of water and earth. Psychic powers, imagination, emotion, wisdom and love blend with practicality, sensuality, prosperity and the material world.

Any divination done on the night will be especially powerful, so get the tools of your choice out and see what the year ahead holds.

I will be spending Samhain out with Pixie, and will be holding my own celebration the following day. My witchletts are not able to meet merrily on the night but we will make up for it at Yule.

Blessed Be!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Horrid Feelings

I am having a painful feelings day today. Its ironic that I work with intense emotion every day in my job; I soothe, help, witness, account for and accept feelings that my clients experience, yet when it comes to my own I honestly believe that I can put them in nice neat little boxes and move on as if nothing has happened.

I learned to put my feelings away when I moved house at 8 years old and left all my friends behind. I was not allowed to cry because then Dad would feel bad about moving the family from relative security to a ramshackle old dump of a place with no toilet. When I got bullied at my new school I was not allowed to even admit it because Dad would feel bad ....etc etc So I really did get very strong and self contained.

When I got to 14 and defied my mother in my choice of 'boyfriend' I was subjected to 6 years of intense emotional and physical cruelty. I could not cry, I just got on with life. It really was terrible to be placed outside the normal activities of my family and be punished everyday, often physically attacked, without being able to leave. I got very very strong and self contained. I was resigned to it all - and fiercely defiant.

When my life unravelled mid thirties I went for every medical test known to man. 'I must have a brain tumour, or a degenerative neurological disorder, I must be ill'. I never 'felt' anything I just could not function. It was only when I was diagnosed with chronic depression that I started to account for it all. Yet I am not really sure that I am comfortable with my own feelings, even now.

I run from it. I run constantly - I am the worlds best at partying in order to hide the pain. I don't do it deliberately its just that I survived by doing this and it is my default setting.

So now when I begin to feel - it always hits me like a train. What?!! What the hell is this that's going on - why isn't this in my nice little storage system. So today, I am sitting with my feelings and its shit! I WILL feel better tomorrow. In the mean time its an education.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Back on the Running Machine

I woke up full of the joys this morning. Feel rather jaded this evening after clients and supervision - especially as I wrestled with my 7.30 till she got to the emotion she had been suppressing for absolutely ages. Phew! I felt like a midwife. Lots of pain and struggle, but such a relief when it was over.

I had breaky by candle light. Porridge with chopped banana - and in between clients I got back to my running. Having been a poorly Queenie, the running has taken a back seat. Oh it was sooooo good. To feel my muscles working hard, to sweat - to feel the cold air on my skin. I am really beginning to appreciate my body. (I tend to live in my head). I cant wait to get back in there, in the garage - yes, I run amongst the collection of weelie bins, yes I am in between the garden furniture and the lawnmower, and yes it can be bloody cold in the Winter - but when Metallica is blasting out of the (rather cleverly rigged up) DVD and big screen, and my feet are pounding the rubber - I am really in the moment, alive and vital!

The pleasures of the body seems to be such a new discovery for me (apart from the obvious ;o) and I am booked in on a body therapy marathon in November too; a bit of a theme. Maybe it has something to do with Earth energy about to arrive. Time to enjoy the sensuous pleasures we all have at our finger tips .... literally!

Nice to Know

You Are the Ego

You take a balanced approach to your life.
You definitely aren't afraid to act out on your desires - even crazy ones.
But you usually think first. Morals drive you as much as hedonism does.
You've been able to live a life of pleasure... without living a life of excess.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Life really is too short for misery ...

I have been feeling pretty bad lately. Felt really bad over the weekend, that horrid depressed bad where everything is just too much of an effort. I have been adapting heavily lately too - lost myself somewhere and have been whirling round in confusion.

Last night I had a dream. Two dreams. One was set in a very snowy landscape, all dark ice and about 5 minutes survival time if you stepped out of the insulated pods we humans were using to navigate the ice. There were monsters on the ice. Savage machine like beasts that sought to extinguish all life and heat. My pod had malfunctioned and another had gone over in some kind of accident. Me and the driver of the other were only feet away from each other, we stared out of our portholes transfixed with terror and we both knew that a monster was coming. I was terrified. Suddenly there it was - all machine and robotic logic, huge pincer claws and blades. It went for the other pod. The ferocity of the attack meant that my pod skidded across the ice and into safety behind the security fence. I watched with relief and horror as my colleague was torn apart.

The second was indoors, still on the ice but in safety and warmth. I was in a room with Stephen Fry. I was trying to get a pair of tights off (grizzly things I know but the only choice with a mini skirt) and they were all twisted up with my knickers. I was expending a lot of energy trying to be discreet. In the end I asked Stephen to avert his gaze. He looked me in the eye and said, "My dear - if you were stark naked I still would not be bothered one jot. Get your bloody knickers sorted and stop worrying about me." I whipped them off - not a care in the world - sorted myself out and then we both had a cup of tea.

When I woke up I realised that it was time to stop being depressed, stop being low and sad. It was time to re engage with my personality. To start to smile and laugh and have fun. It was time to shake my booty - live and love! Its so easy to get bogged down with misery, to be so stuck in bad things; the negatives and when we do we can lose sight of the wonder of life. To be able to breathe, to taste, to feel the air on our faces. To dance - and I have danced tonight and it felt wonderful. I am always encouraging my clients, my family, my friends and all those fabulous people that are close to me that JOY is so important! Time to be joyful myself. We all are alive, sentient, sensuous, incredible - capable of so much. Lets celebrate!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

And ....Relax

Well thanks to Kahless I think the little security breach is sorted. Phew! I can breathe easy again - although I am aware you all know where I live now and that I can look smart and professional as opposed to slightly mad with an eclectic dress sense.

I am having a chill today - went out to the new Westfield shopping centre in Derby today. It was fab! I am not one for shopping but the scale and energy of the place was super. With Christmas coming up - I can see a few days being pencilled in for shopping and wandering and sampling the variety of foods in the food hall.

Still not dieting and managing to losing weight! Wish I had worked out sooner that an almond croissant for breakfast is absolutely fine as long as its every so often and does not require a three week deprivation regime to make up for it. The little brown shoes will be mine in a week I reckon and I will post a pick of them to amuse you.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

They Lost!

Just watched the rugby. We was robbed! What amused me the most was how Gordon Brown was recieved by the England team. Short shrift or what? hehehe I have a deep mistrust of politicians. Manipulating weasels most of them. What a photo opportunity eh?

Good grief - old 'no bottle' Gorden almost fell at Wilkinsons feet, Jonny was having none of it - this was not about spin, but about sport. Is everyone as jaded and cynical as I am about politicians? Well done Wilko for avoiding the attempted conversion by old 'have I got a back bone' Brown.

Anyway - enough of politics! I seem to have a security issue on my blog. Are all of you good people getting my email address when you leave comments? Of course you can then google me - and there I will be, identity - what I look like (although you already recognise the bag lady) but more importantly my telephone number, address etc I have nothing to hide but part of the blog is about having an alter ego. Seems like mine just got shattered. No worries eh? I am happy to be me - warts and all.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Feeling Tired

Hi Guys

Thought I would check in and say hello. I know I have been awfully quiet but I had my busiest week to date this week. Being self employed means that I take work where I can and this week I was fully booked. Had to put three clients on hold till next week. That means that my blogging has been a bit scanty - maybe if I post a small one everyday I will get back into the swing of things.

I have so much I really do want to blog about. Got all my weirdy news to tell you about, quotes from Pagan Dawn and insights into being a Witchy Woman. Samhain is coming up (Halloween) and I want to do it in style this year. Last year I had my naming ceremony and initiation into the witchletts coven. That was lovely but this year my witchletts are not doing anything - one is in America and the other cant get a sitter, so I am a bit stuck. I will end up doing a solitary ritual I expect and waiting to pounce on any trick or treaters in full regalia - tends to scare them somewhat.

I want to write a few more little quickies full of wit and insight (ho ho ho - not that I take myself seriously at all) and just generally get back into stuff. Plus I have the meme about music - Bobo has tagged me to write about my musical taste. In starting the think about it I realise with horror that I AM STUCK IN A TIME WARP! Its going to be humiliating.

Its the rugby tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it! Going to cook a creamy chicken curry - marinated with almonds and cream, and have the bubbly chilling. Even if they lose we can toast the exceptional performance.

I so need a party!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I passed!!!!!

I passed my exam on Saturday. Not with the flying colours I had hoped for, but I did get 90% which isn't bad. (Not that there is any 'Be Perfect' behaviour going on, oh no no no). But I do tend to focus on the 10% that I dropped as opposed to the 90% I gained.

So to rectify that I am going to celebrate - I passed, I got 90%, I did really well - I took a complex piece of work to exam; No easy peasy counselling skills for me. it was tough, deep and intuitive work and I was bloody brilliant. Pats on my back - champagne all round.

I am now - Queen Vixen Dip Couns with a BACP Accreditation pending. Woo hoo!!!!!

In 18 months I will be Queen Vixen MSc, CTA, Dip Couns and UKCP Accredited.

(Not that there is any hint of an Almost Type II Script in that little statement - oh no no no).

I am so guilty of striving for the next mountain peak so I am going to stop here for a while - on the summit of my Post Graduate Clinical Diploma and breathe in the air of success.

Well done me!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I am the High Priestess

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Book Tag administered by L-Q-S

L-q-s has tagged me to write about my books. L-q-s is a woman for whom I have the utmost respect and who writes a fabulous blog - go check it out! She is on my Blog Roll.

So here are the answers to her questions:

TOTAL NUMBER OF BOOKS: Well I have owned thousands in my time. However, storage is always the problem. I came from a family who love books - we did not have a telly for ages and we all became avid readers. My current family don't read at all, I am the only book worm so its my books that have to be accommodated, therefore I run a tight ship on what books get displayed in the book cases - of which I have two. I have one in my bedroom - mine, all mine which must hold - ermmm let me have a quick look, 200 and one in my therapy room which has about 50 in it. I also have a pile of about ten current ones on my bedside table. I operate an efficient rotation system so books will go into storage - there are books in the garage and in the attic.

LAST BOOK READ: Now this is a moot point! I always have about 5 on the go - so its hard to pin down the one that was last read. I think if we are talking cover to cover all the way through in one go then it was Kate West: The Real Witches Handbook, I devoured this on holiday - super beach reading material. However before that it was Starhawk: The Spiral Dance, more witchy themes but less of a 101 approach.

LAST BOOK BOUGHT: I bought 4 books last time I had a spree. I am reading them all simultaneously;

The Gift of Therapy: Irvin D Yalom
Advanced Witchcraft: Edain McCoy
My Voice Will Go With You: Milton Erikson
Emotional Intelligence: Daniel Goleman

I also purchased a DSMIV for my practice. Bit of a yawn but it looks professional.

5 MEANINGFUL BOOKS: Oooh what a question! There have been so many, and as I write i am aware of how sketchy I am being. I think its the cold, its hard to be inspirational when snuffling into Olbas Vapour Release tissues, but here goes.

Women that Run with the Wolves: Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Get this book! I have read and re read this book! It analyses fairy tales, and folk tales to see what the message is for women, primarily, but also for men that wish to connect to their 'Wild Nature'. It is an emotionally powerful book, and explores the way that the dried out dead nature of women, dulled by too much constraint and duty can be sung back into life. It shows how our nature needs to become wolf like and alive. In the following passage, it is La Loba - the eternal spirit of the soul of women that does the singing.

"And when she is sure, she stand above the creature, raises her arms over it and sings out. That is when the rib bones and leg bones of the wolf begin to flesh out and the creature becomes furred. la Loba sings some more, and more of the creature comes into being; its tail curls upward, shaggy and strong.
And La Loba sings more and the wolf creature begins to breathe.
And still la Loba sings so deeply that the floor of the desert shakes, and as she sings, the wolf opens its eyes, leaps up, and runs away down the canyon.

Somewhere in the running, whether by the speed of its running, or by splashing its way into a river, or by way of a ray of sunlight or moonlight hitting it right in the side, the work is suddenly transformed into a laughing woman who runs free toward the horizon."

Any woman who has raised children, and done what society and family expected of her and has fought for her life will know what this means. It gets me every time!

Lord of the Rings: JRR Tolkien

THE book of the 20th Century. Pulls up all kinds of symbolic stuff and metaphor that is buried in race memory. Archetypal story of good and evil. Profound! What would we pagans do without it. Half our ritual names and moot labels would disappear for start off!

I mentioned Ludo and the Star Horse by Mary Stewart in another tag post so I wont do that again. But that one is incredibly meaningful for me.

Hedgewitch: Rae Beth

The first real witchy book I read. I used to try and contain my interest in alternative spirituality. After all Witchcraft is condemned in the Bible (in fact what gets practiced today in modern Wicca is a million miles away from the biblical definition which involves the making of medicinal remedies and consulting with the dead - a clairvoyant GP is probably as near as you can get to the biblical definition). So for years I sneaked around and did nothing about my very obvious leanings, and the inner drive towards discovering who I was. This book was the first mainstream volume that got bought for me as a Christmas present. It was my 'come out of the broom closet' book and therefore significant.

The Bible: God

Has been ever present in my life. I was born into a deeply religious family and I used to know most of it off by heart - can still quote a lot from memory. Majorly influential. The most amazing literary phenomenon and I still believe it is a revelation of divine concepts. I think it is not as literally true as the fundamentalists would have us believe but it contains profound truth, and prophecy.

Lords and Ladies: Terry Pratchett

Had to give old Tel a mention. This one is my particular favourite but they all have merit. Witty, clever, sharp - great fun, and in fact something I need to read again. I have got rather bogged down with 'worthy' volumes and a bit of Discworld frivolity would do me good!

(Celestine Prophecy of course - James Redfield, I know I have now quoted 7 but this one has to get a mention - it sort of changed my life, its an enzyme, not quite sure how it does it but it continues to change people).

So there you have it, the best I can manage with such a cold. Sorry for having no hyperlinks but I just feel too damn poorly to be fiddling about copying and pasting. I need to lie down!

I am a poorly Queenie

Hello everyone. I am sitting up in bed and tapping away at my lap top, I have a really bad cold. I am tempted to refer to it as flu - or man flu even, it feels worse than a cold and not as bad as flu. I have hurty ears and throat, a blocked up nose, I ache all over and am having sweats and shivers.

I rarely get a cold - too many curries! But this one has come out of nowhere and when that happens I tend to look for the emotional causes. I get colds when I let something go - and the big candidates (culprits) at the moment are the exam stuff (its far too late to worry about it now) and the diet stuff! My hunch is the diet stuff. I have been dieting since I was 14 and for the first time I am free of it. As reported I am feeling no urge to sneak a treat, or over eat - I am planning and enjoying modest healthy meals and I was (until the lurgy struck) running everyday.

So what does my body decide to do? - get sick! That puts a stop to the running, it means cooking and good food husbandry takes a back seat (actual husband having to do the food which usually means take aways and pizza) and it bungs me up with lemsip and the like. Sooooo a Type 3 somatic impasse! Oh no no Queenie, we cannot have you give up on feeling bad about yourself, your body and the very thing that allows existence. All the family diet - food is a problem, your father has struggled with his weight all his life, so did his family, you cannot break ranks now, you have to carry on (whisper whisper of the nasty little subconscious messages) Well up yours! No, I have had enough and don't need to buy into this rubbish. You can throw as many colds as you like at me and I shant give in. I will be running as soon as the sniffles have passed and actually i am not eating a thing to help my immune system (nar nar ne nar nah).

So those are my thoughts on the bolt from the blue cold - of course if it is the exam stuff then it could be a Type 2 impasse surrounding the 'don't succeed' injunction laid down by generations of losers, wasters and lazy sods who lie in bed all day and bemoan their fate, or the equally scary ranks of po faced women who surrender their power to care for their husbands and work hard in the church, opting for poverty AND chastity (only the rare woman in my family has the curse - ie high sex drive, yep it was me this time around). So another finger elevated in the direction of the family script. You wont stop me passing that exam so put it in your pipe and smoke it, and go get a. a job b. a damn good s**g

So there you have it, as you can see I am still revising! lol May do the book meme next. I have time on my hands!

PS For the first time ever I am enjoying being ill. Shhh don't tell anyone. I have slept and snuggled in bed all day. Its been ace. Apart from the self employed implications its been super being warm, cosy and plied with echhinachia (spelt incorrectly) tea.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Another Quickie

Hello all you lovely bloggers. I have 15 mins before the rugby so am squeezing in a quick post. Wasn't the match great yesterday? There I was, anticipating defeat and England pulled it out of the bag - or scrum I should say. I am rather fond of rugby, I like the way it utilises men of all different shapes and sizes. The skinny whippet like chaps as well as the huge beasts of men. All work together in a real mans game; blooded, bruised and sweating. Its rather primitive but who cares, helps the ironing to pass with relative ease.

Talking about different shapes and sizes. I have stopped dieting FOREVER! I realised what a farce it was for me. What a performance! The same old pattern of setting myself up with unobtainable goals, a massive parent structure for me to rebel against (spectacularly) and bloody expensive. So after spending my last £10 on a syn calculator and parting with £4.50 to be told I had only lost half a pound I decided enough is enough.

Truth be told I was feeling something of a hypocrite. I rabbit on about the evils of Size Zero and celebrating real women's shapes and there I was eating fat free yogurt (an evil brew) and almost weeping at the thought of denying myself fish and chips. So I have kicked it out and its never going to return. Instead I am going to make big grown up adult choices to eat healthily and exercise sensibly. Hey presto! Does not take a brain surgeon eh? I know how to eat a healthy diet, I know that I feel better when I am running regularly - I know that drinking is best reserved for a Saturday night when I can feel sluggish without guilt the next day.

So how do I feel? Great! No more being deprived, feeling cheated, feeling starved and sneaking stuff into my mouth when I think no one is looking. Since I started being a grown up about it and celebrating my body - (which is actually awesome, narcissistic confidence maybe but I have been told so too) - I have lost 3lbs. Wey hey! All I have done is decide to chew really slowly and eat smaller portions with lots of fresh fruit and veg. I can have treats but only bits of them, so I get the taste and not the damage. I am all of a sudden TAKING RESPONSIBILITY instead of setting up some crap unobtainable target so that I can feel a failure all the time. I do intend to be under 11 stone at the blog party - just by being sensible, I am tall so can carry it off. My ultimate target is 10 stone 5 - really do-able, and I shall buy myself shoes and stuff along the way. Alternative treats that last!

The matrix leather coat remains the ultimate reward, but I shall allow myself the discreet tattoo before that. Oh and the new shoes, boots and the joy of having my colours done! If this seems a bit indulgent then I must explain that two things were missing in my childhood. Food (Dad ate it all, or we had none - long story) and clothes (charity shops and hand me downs all the way). So if my kid has grown up at last with regard to food then maybe she can still have a fling with the clothes, accessories and pretty, girlie things.

OK, so its about to start - just going to have a dish of pineapple, grapes and mango. Mmmmmm good food for a goddess body, good health and the reward of those gorgeous little high heels!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


Not last weekend but the weekend before I went to Glastonbury. It was wonderful to spend some time in that magical place; to attach to the legends of Avalon.

I did some real shopping. I am not one for shopping usually. I tend to buy all that I can on the Internet and only go round actual shops when I have to. Glastonbury is different, the energy of the place is different, the shops are not high street clones but real shops. The sort of shops there used to be; the kind that you almost expect to 'up and fly' to somewhere else while you are browsing round the shelves, or to have a secret portal in the changing room. I had a whale of a time. I bought a new dress, lot of books and bits! In fact I am going to return before Yule to do some more shopping, this time for friends.

I just love StarChild. I love the smell - it is jam packed with resins and incense, candles and the most exquisite goddess figurines. They have tree essences and herbal smokes, big bell jars full of potions, remedies and proper old fashioned herbs in wooden drawers. It is a delight.

I also tried the Speaking Tree - which came highly recommended by Exmoor Jane. Well! Heaven or what! The place groans under the weight of esoteric and spiritual books,stacked as high as the ceiling, all reasonably priced and offering a galaxy of undiscovered worlds.

Green Man and Goddess was up to its usual standard as was the Magick Box and I was a very happy wierdy woman by the end of the trip. Glastonbury is the place to be a woman. There were women everywhere and it felt good. Now as you know, dear readers, I like my men - but there was something amazing about being in Avalon, a place where Goddess is revered and very much alive.

I went to the Goddess Temple, it sounds very grand - in reality it is a small upper storey room, modestly furnished but it is a place of very real femininity and in that is real power. The walls are adorned with art that represents female beauty - real women, not stick thin poor wasting waifs adapting to the expectations of the fashion industry, but big women with bellies and breasts. Young women, old women, all shapes and sizes and colours. It is a truly wonderful place to be. At the one end there is the altar to the Goddess and those that choose to spend time in that place do so in silence, with respect.

It is tranquil - serene - liberating. No men to tell us what we should be doing or thinking, no great male God telling us our bodies are sinful and we are the devil incarnate, no one interpreting or reframing anything! It is a place to be; without any external trappings. I went in twice. Both times, once I had sat down in that space, I needed to cry. I could feel the deep primal wounding rising uncontrollably - the wounding of constraint and control - but here it had no power and in that space I wanted to sob and sob until all the tears were shed. Then to be at peace, in that female place. No sin, no judgement, no pressure. It was beautiful and peaceful.

I mused on how I wished the old stories of Avalon were true. I wanted to know it was all real, historical, scientific fact; The mystic isle that was the centre of Goddess worship, that slipped out of synch with reality when the Christians came and disappeared into the mists. I so wanted it to be fact, to know that the priestesses had once wound their way up the Tor in ritual, or that the Lady of the Lake did indeed part the mists with the ancient incantations. Then it struck me, if the historical facts did not bear this out then the collective attachment to the legend of all those that passed through this beloved place made it real - in the imagination, on the astral plane - call it what you will. The legend, the place - was an archetype for the reality, the symbolic representation of a Goddess place, a place where women were not enslaved. I breathed a deep sigh and fell still - content.

Every woman needs to visit - and celebrate!

PS: I am really pushed for time, with my exam coming up - I am so appreciating all your comments, and I will be reading and commenting on all your blogs soon. Hugs.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Just a quickie

I went to Glastonbury at the weekend, it was Autumn Equinox as you know, and I celebrated atop the Tor. It was wonderful.

Without placing a millstone around my neck I am going to post about the Goddess Experience next. I want to account for my feelings in Avalon. Not much chance of that going up before thursday but I will do my best.

I would take every anorexic, bullimic young girl who is tied up with the utter crap that gets peddled in the media about feminine beauty, and take them to the Goddess Temple in Glastonbury. Take them to sit among all the icons of real female beauty; full breasts, rounded bellies, welcoming thighs: And throw all that size zero nonsense in the garbage where it belongs. So so good to be surrounded by real femininity where we as women are encouraged to take our place in the World instead of wasting away to nothing.

Coming soon!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Little afterthought ... naughty one at that

After reading Kahless's comment I forgot to include a woman on my list. I am straight but ... and this couple are a rather delicious threesome fantasy. They give that extra dimension to Wednesday nights (BBC2) - dont know which one I fancy more!

Nikki and DL from Heroes
Would I say no? I dont think so!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Some random ramblings

Lewis has got a shrew! As I sit here tapping away he is throwing it round the room. I tried in vain to save its life but alas it was already dead so I have let him have it to save another being rooted out and killed. I love my cats but I don't like the carnage. In fact I held off from having anymore after the last one deposited a liver on my daughters geography homework. The cat responsible got killed on the road, and I vowed there would be no more - but Lewis was so cute, I forgot to entertain the possibility that he may turn out to be a killer.

The cat tray reeks too - oh grizzly. Its no fun fishing out the offending lumps at any time of day, let alone after a hard days work and a pint of pear cider. Still duty must be done. Perhaps if I tip it on him he may stop playing with the shrew.

I am off to Glastonbury for the weekend. I am really looking forward to celebrating the equinox on top of the Tor. I am going to take my staff - yes that one - the unmentionable knob-like staff. I shall be visiting the Goddess temple too - and getting a whole load of pressie's in preparation for the festive season. Really really good witchy gifts are hard to come by up here in the Styx. So that's my news - and my plans.

I also thought I would challenge all and sundry, oh my worthy blog pals, to come up with your top five celebrities that you fancy the arse off. You can have barleys and everything because its celebrities and any suspicious partners can have a good laugh and know its all jolly japes and in good fooling!! I guess this is in response to one of Pixie's questions 'who do you fantasise about'. Well as long as we all can quote a celebrity then we can rest easy in our beds when there is nothing much to do at 4am in the morning ....

So my top five:

James Hetfield

Raunchy, sexy - been around the block a million times rocker dude.

Aragorn from Lord of the Rings

Bearded wonder of the first order - mystical, magical and down right sexy in a tunic

Teal'C from Stargate

Dark, mysterious - build like a brick s**t house. Awesome!

Sean Bean

Sheffield's favourite bit of rough - gorgeous voice, likes a scrap - and handles a sword very nicely.

Mr Spock

Leonard Nimoy as Spock in his younger day, was THE pre-pubescent sexual fantasy of my childhood. Oh yes, I have to admit it - my secret desire was to turn Spock into a raging passionate beast; to cut through that logic and discover the fire underneath. Spent many a maths lesson running that little scenario through my little head.

Could say so much more about them all - but now its your turn.

Have a great weekend and will catch up with you all once I return with all my goodies.

Oh yes, and once big grown up exam is out of the way I think I am going to sign up for a Druid course - I really fancy being a druid!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Glad you all liked my cheese blog!

I am putting up this quick post - just to let you know I am still here. I have not been posting too regularly because:

1. Computer issues - as you are all well aware
2. Exam in October - every spare minute is either preparing, or whittling about it

However, I shall keep putting up mini posts, a sort of check in to stay in touch. I may not leave comments but I am visiting all your blogs too; having a crafty read while drinking a crafty cuppa - you get the picture.

Today, well ...Groan! Hang over! Haven't had one in a while, as I have really kicked alcohol into touch except for special occasions and emergency measures (think bouncy castle party sans alcohol - not good!)

There is a reason for my hangover. I had my first day in exam group yesterday. Exam group is metaphorically a sort of tunnel or maybe a water slide type thing. You hover at the entrance for a while but once you commit to it, you cant get out and you have to see it through to the end. Thrilling and scary all at the same time. Exam group was very grown up big therapist stuff. It was about reaching the standard, passing and gaining accreditation: Not for the faint hearted but oh so much better than the navel gazing experience that I have found the training to be. There was no room for 'checking out the process' or 'what feelings does that bring up for you'. It was more like, 'shut up and get on with it' - BONUS!

I played my exam tape. The audience contained more advanced trainees than myself, and one of the examiners I will have to face in about 3 weeks. The tape went down well, very well - extraordinary well. I felt so confident at the end of the experience that I now have no doubts that (with a little organisation) I will pass this, and sail on to CTA without a problem.

So - cause for celebration. My daughter also attended her first Youth Theatre workshop at Derby playhouse. She got selected from hundreds of hopefuls! More cause for celebration!

I dropped her off and then went to a buffet type Indian/Chinese place for a meal with Mr Vix and two very large glasses of wine - I mean very large, the type they charge about £9 for and is in reality over half a bottle a piece.

Do you know what, Indian and Chinese don't mix! It may seem like heaven to have prawn crackers and poppadoms at your disposal, to be able to combine spring rolls and gobi bahjee but the taste of chobbly sweet and sour chicken along side murghi kata masala is actually quite horrid. It was really odd - and I have to say, very much regretted at 4am this morning.

Had to get up and see a client in spite of my troubles (good session though - always is when I have to pull it out of the bag, and disguise an ashen visage) and I have two more later on. By that time I am hoping the copious jugs of water will have swilled out my liver and I will be feeling a little more chipper.

Thought you may enjoy this last pic lol - its not me of course! I would be suing slimming world if it was!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

The Mighty Cheese

So here it is, the long awaited cheese post. I hope it is worth the wait. The idea came while I was lying in the bath and thinking of how cheeses have different characteristics and that you could fit certain characteristics to certain people. I began to think of what sort of cheese I would be. I am still undecided and will invite suggestions. People are fairly particular about cheeses, some adore the blue veined rich and tangy sorts, others prefer the milder, creamier types. Some seem to be universal favourites while others are acquired tastes. So I have decided to assign you all a cheese based on my impression of you through your writing, please don't be offended if I don't come up with one of your favourites for you, I have explained each of my choices.

Bobo: Austrian Smoked. I was tempted to say Edam due to the Dutch heritage and would have named a Polish cheese if I knew any, but I wanted to capture the 'continental' nature of young Bobo, and the impish quality that he has. He is an unusual one, that is for sure. Austrian smoked sums him up, what you see on the outside gives nothing away as to the smoky quality that you find on the inside. Out of the ordinary, a surprisingly mild texture and often appears in the cheese pic n mix - loves the attention and is often found at parties.

Chopski: Without wishing to be cheesy, no pun intended, Chopski has to be Danish Blue - the name alone nods in the direction of Ivana, spanking and all the things that Chopski indulges in when he is not chasing the elusive 'People's friend'. Danish blue has hidden qualities too - milder in nature than the usual veined cheeses and so can surprise with depth and perception.

Craig: Craig is goats cheese. There is no way that he is run of the mill; he chooses a different path and presents alternative ways of looking at the world. Hey is it always about cows milk? Not according to Craig! Mild in nature and providing a unique experience for the discerning palette.

Darth: Monterrey Jack. The all American Cheese and all round performer. He is prone to melting softly but still adds bite to most dishes. He is resilient and versatile and usable even when hard and crusty. A cheese for all seasons and highly recommended for migraine sufferers, as he is guaranteed not to give you a headache.

Dj: Sage Derby. A cheese of distinct flavour. Attractive, vibrant, vivacious. She has a unique quality and has over the years has contained not just the healing qualities of sage but other medicinal, and health enhancing garden herbs. A rustic cheese that has homely origins yet is tangy, challenging and completely intoxicating.

Exmoor Jane: Cheshire I would say. Not had too much to do with her yet but am impressed by the mild and mellow texture of her writing. Nothing too harsh, and a lovely addition to any cheese board.

Hedgewizard: Hedge is one of those regional cheeses that is made with seasonal fruit. Somerset Damson, or Dorset Bilberry - mild, creamy, most deffinately fruity and bursting with tangy berries. Velvet texture with the ability to surprise and amuse.

Hullaballoo: Feta - it was tempting to pick an Isle of Bute Cheddar but I think not, her nature is softer, more accommodating - a versatile cheese that is at home in a mixed bean hot pot as well as melting on top of an Italian pizza.

Kahless: This was a hard one as there are many shades of Kahless - in the end I plumped for Mature Cheddar. Real, tangy, crumbly delicious Cheddar. A universal favourite who has the kind of taste that suits all sorts of moods. Works just as well on a stick with a chunk of pineapple as she does in a tangy cheese sauce. Ploughman's lunch or cheese butty for all those days working with the concrete, and the ability to mingle beautifully with fish or chicken for those quieter more subtle dishes. Versatility is the quality here and a good all round performer.

L-q-s: A soft cheese and garlic roulle. Deliciously tasty with a tantalising combination of creamy cheese, rustic herbs and garlic, all presented delightfully. A spiral shape which represents her Celtic heritage and goddess spirituality.

Prada Pixie: Camembert - generally arrives in a petite and beautifully presented box often with pretty gingham trim. Obviously of good background, classy french and able to be enjoyed while fresh and firm with white wine and olives, or to be savoured when allowed to ripen over time as a rich and indulgent treat.

Silent Observer: Edam for him. Encased in wax to keep prying eyes away from the very salty, moreish interior. Often dismissed as an unworthy cheese and overlooked for more 'conventional' cheesy delights yet nothing satisfies as much as a hastily grabbed chunk of Edam and a pickled onion. Nibbletastic.(By the way, if everyone shouts very loud he might just wake up! - Woo hoo Silent!)

Vi: What else but Stilton. Queen of the Cheeses. Unrivalled for ripeness, bite and flavour. In yer face, no compromise - like it or 'f**k off' and certainly not for wimps. Can create obsessive lust in cheese worshippers, and has caused the downfall of many a good christian.

Wake up: Brie - elegant, sophisticated and to be served at room temperature with grapes and a cold glass of chardonnay. A thoughtful cheese, not to be scoffed down in a frenzy but taken and savoured with discernment.

Westerwitch: A new comer to my blog roll and rather hard to decide upon, but I reckon a Red Leicester for her. Commanding a loyal following, distinctive, tangy - a colourful character who also has versatility, and can pep up the ordinary.

Enjoy your nibbles!

New Lap Top! New Lap Top!

Hello everyone! Here I am on my brand new Acer lap top complete with Vista operating system. I had minimal trouble getting on t'internet, I was anticipating a LOT of swearing and ranting but it turned out to be fairly stress free.

I am putting off testing out the compatibility of my sound files - needed for grown up exam - because I would like to spend at least an hour being in blissful ignorance of my impending doom. We shall see.

The lap top is all shiny and new. It will take me a little time to find my way around - first impressions. The screen is so clear although smaller - and the ergonomic key board will take a little bit of getting used to as I am a touch typist and type using all of my fingers in the old fashioned style.

The reason for the lap top (CRAIG)is that I have to lug it about for my job. I have to play sound files for supervision and training purposes. My lap top is the way I do that. I do however agree that a PC is far less trouble with better graphics. Lap tops are sort of liberating but I wont be able to play World of War Craft on it. Bummer!

I have not forgotten about the cheese blog and intend to be blogging at around 5pm tonight while Mr Vix watches the pantheon of sports that are currently on, and before I cook a Murgi Kata Marsala for family consumption. So cheese up next - promise, promise.

Missed you all!

OK - now to face the awful truth about the sound files.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Cheese and laptops - not recommended

Hello hello all my lovely blog chums. First a little explanation - my moth eaten lap top has finally given up the ghost. Having said that, I am using it as a type now but I am hoping that this will be the very last time. I just spent 5 minutes writing witty replies for all of you who were kind enough to comment on my last post - at the precise moment that I published - my Internet went down. All comments lost, 5 minutes of my life wasted and laptop almost thrown out of the window. The wireless thingy is dodgy and it has a habit of cutting out just when I have spent 20 mins carefully inputting my catalogue numbers into an order form, or halfway through a security rich procedure to get to my bank account or indeed, when commenting on blogs, wit to the fore, for it to cut out on me at the crucial moment. I usually then have to redraft something functional (due to being pissed off) as opposed to spontaneous and joyful.

Other problem with the lap top is that the motherboard keeps shorting out. (Sharp intake of breath from all you computer boffins) yes, I realise it is terminal but as long as I suspend my arms and wrists about 6 inches above the keyboard I can get some sense out of it. So here I am, shoulders beginning to ache with the extra muscle action required and I still have my cheese blog to do. (Oh Vixen, why do you make so many well meaning promises?) So bearing in mind the precarious lap top position I will be quick and punchy as opposed to lingering and text rich, as originally intended.

Cheese up next,

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Big Cheese - and other mutterings.

Finally! Taken me bloody ages to get this window open so I can post. Bloody lap tops packed up - I was told that when an exam is imminent (as it is) that the computer packs up (which it has) so I am on my sons machine and it seems to be sulking with me.

I have had such a shitty day! I am half way through a glass of bubbly so please excuse me if I rant but I have had the crappiest crap rubbish day ever.

Had a rubbish day yesterday too. I went to a 30th Birthday party which was a 'kids party' - pirate hats, bouncy castle, treasure hunt, pass the parcel and a magician. "Oh Vixen - don't be so churlish" I hear you cry "It sound great fun" .....well it would have been had there been any bloody alcohol! This really was a kids party with pop and stuff. It was rubbish - totally tedious! I did have a go on the bouncy castle, that I will admit, but the barrage of photographers that suddenly appeared put me off somewhat - bloody dirty old men! So that was enough for me, treasure hunt - boring. Pass the parcel - horrendous (why do people think its ok to stop the music "so the children can win") - err excuse me?!? What about preparing said children for the reality of life - ie you don't get any favours and no one ever gives you something for nothing. The magician was crap - and if it had not been for the curry sneakily planned for just after I would have cheerfully hoisted myself into the tree and become a human pinata (no idea how you spell it) and suffered a brutal death - which was preferable to the party.

That was yesterday - today I told my 'very poor and parental' supervisor as opposed to my 'fabulously cool and living in the real world other supervisor' that I was no longer going to attend her group. That it was too far to travel, and I had not been particularly impressed by what happened in the group last time. I employed wonderful manners, was decorum itself and foolishly expected some kind of respectful attitude in return. Oh noooo, no no no. She burst into tears and launched into a tirade about my inadequacy and reluctance to process things properly. Errr, actually its just too far to travel ... but nooo that was not enough. Instead I was given the third degree and invited to feel like a naughty, wicked very bad, petulant, terribly offensive little girl. Well screw you lady - get over yourself! Sometimes you have to just cut your losses - everyone cannot feel good all of the time, and there is no way I am going back there so she can make herself feel better. She is going to just have to swivel on it.

So there you are, that's my offering - as for the Big Cheese reference, I am going to go through my blog roll and ascribe you all a cheese. I thought about it in the bath and how cheese can sum up a personality. OK, so I am slightly strange but that's why you love me eh?

Friday, September 07, 2007

The Moot

So here I am - post Moot. It was good! I enjoyed it, although I had had a horrid day and was feeling fragile; Often the case when called upon to sparkle eh?

I was incredibly anxious about finding my way into Nottingham city centre as I have a weird sort of directional blindness - cant tell my left from my right, tend to invert the bass and the soprano lines when playing four part harmonies on the piano, get letters in the wrong order when writing. All the letters are there - just not necessarily in the right order. So I was scared to death of getting it wrong and ending up, due to fiendish city one way systems, on the way to Lancaster! However I did arrive, hungry and tired.

Managed to park in a desolate multi storey - big scary place with a bus station underneath it (more panics - I don't do cities very well being a country bumpkin; hayseed; obligatory straw in the hair) and found my way to the pub. The oldest pub in the country apparently.

First thing I felt was TOTALLY OVERDRESSED. I mean seriously standing out like a sore thumb, but hey I looked good! Pub had stopped serving food (at 7.30?!?)so my dinner was a bag of crisps and a white wine and soda. They did offer Mcoys or Walkers so I was able to go for the more filling option (ironic laugh). I met the Moot Chieftain and he introduced me to the assembled gothy types, purple hair and piercings. They were all bright, intelligent and very friendly. One thing I do like about Pagans is that the 'light is on'. As a group they are alert, interested and sparky. Lots of 'Histrionics' 'Antisocials' and performance junkies, a love of the theatrical. They are generally funny, articulate and don't give a damn about what people think. Cool!

After scarfing down the crisps we all toddled off to the 'church hall' next door. It really was a church hall with "The highest righteousness is Truth" emblazoned across the wall behind the Platform/Stage. It had the same musty smell, same back breaking chairs, same guy on the door meeting and greeting, the same announcements of up and coming events (cue psycho music). De ja vue - for those of you that don't know me I come from a non conformist church background "The Delphs" (real title of denomination thinly disguised) so this was all eerily similar.

However ..... it soon managed to diverge from the Delph path. Dress for a start off. Its hats and veils for the ladies at Delph meetings, suits and ties for the gents. Here it was wonderful flowing robes, witchy jewelery, bright hair dyes and 'in your face goddess wear' for the gals and (by and large) jeans and pagan t-shirts for the guys. One fella was in a skirt, he had a big green man beard, long flowing grey hair, embroidered velvet top and ... a pink tutu. However that was not the worst of it, the outfit was completed by bright pink ankle socks and sandals. As you know socks and sandals are not the best of looks at any time but bright pink ones! But you know what - so what! He was a confident articulate man and he also did not give a flying 'fish' (one f word is as good as another).

The lecture was on Quantum Thinking - how magick works. It was awesome. I have sat through many a tedious lecture in church halls but this was nothing like them. Multi media presentation with two interactive pieces between the speaker and himself on a video loop thingy - explaining time reversal symmetry etc etc. We learnt about waves and particles and how human observation actually changes waves into particles, we learn how we co create reality, about 'plankt scale' (?), the vast energy and potentiality of the atom and how we are all connected. It really was mind expanding. Plus funny. Plus spiritual. Plus relaxed and respectful - really really good! Left me feeling warm, gave me the science behind what i already know to be true. Great stuff.

Next Moot is about elaborate pumpkin carving (bring own knife). One after that is belly dancing (bring own drum - and presumably a belly). I hope to go again, although if someone does not walk me back to the car park I probably wont. The journey back there was intimidating. I don't like desolate, empty, scary city places that smell faintly of urine and the walk to the car park was a bit harrowing. Oh and I went round the ring road three times before I found my way back out to the Derby Road (Brian Clough Way - wey hey!)and home.

So there you have it, my Moot experience - I look forward to my next trip to wierdy central; my papers to join the Pagan Federation hot foot it to the post box today and I feel rather smiley about it all. You cant beat a beard - and there is a certain easy going energy about people that regularly dress up and let their inner child come out to play... the cider helps too.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Moot tomorrow

Just a very very quick post to say - I am off to the Moot tomorrow. I have planned my route and hope I don't get lost. I really don't know what to expect but I do already know that the Moot Chieftain (my own title there) works for a record company and looks like a Metal fan (wey hey!). Hard Working Son (and part time Rock God) is therefore very very very keen for me to establish a firm footing amongst the assembled wierdies and get my feet under the table sharpish, letting a CD of my son's band fall out of my pocket by mistake. Well we shall see.

I shall let you know whether its all cloaks, beards and upstanding staffs, or disappointing scuffly sorts shuffling in faded robes by the buffet table. I am expecting Morgans and Taliesins aplenty; a few Wolf Ravens, and Running Stags.... oh the joy of meeting a Weatherwax or an Ogg (perhaps too much to ask). Thankfully my witchy name is rather unique, and I am not going to bandy it about, not on a first date anyway. I can always use my blog name till I feel a little more secure.

So think of me tomorrow amongst the faerie people - I am going straight from work and will be in a business suit, nothing like being a little different ;o)

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Some reflections on my mood

I have been on such a high the last few days. I really don't want it to stop. Yet as I sit and write this post I feel as if its slipping away ever so slightly. Noooooooo. Isn't it strange how this can happen. Some nuance of brain chemistry or hormonal fluctuation (if we are going to be all medical about it), or in rather more poetic terms some wistful yearning, sadness or bitter sweet feeling that just creeps upon us and flows into our consciousness.

I always feel a bit like this at this time of year. Its coming up to the Autumn Equinox - the year is on the wane, the crops are coming in thick and fast; and while this is a cause for celebration and abundance it also heralds the onset of Winter, and the end of all we have striven for and reaped, and loved: Our projects have reached fruition, new ones are about to start and that long still August time has finished. Holidays are over. Autumn melancholy I call it. I tend to ignore it and pat myself on the back for being in tune with the earth and the seasons.

This year I don't want it to set in. I have so much to look forward to. I have a big grown up examination in October (OK so maybe that's not so great but it is a chance to prove myself and get the shiny qualification). I have a whole new moot experience coming up that I hope will prove rewarding, new friends to meet, new blogs to post - business to run, new learning to be done. Its all positive and good, and maybe my melancholy is a natural stillness before the fray.

I actually love the Winter - its stark beauty, the cosy fires and the dark cold nights that inspire dreams and hot chocolates. I get to celebrate New Year twice. Samhain (Halloween) is the start of the Celtic new year and is all decadent with orange pumpkins and hot fermented apple based brews. Plus there is Yule (Winter Solstice) which for me really is the start of the New Year when the sun begins to gain in strength and all of nature stands quiet - poised on the edge of rebirth. I love Yule and then cash in on Christmas as well. My birthday is in November and I celebrate that to the max. So plenty to look forward to and enjoy. Plenty to breathe in to my soul in golden waves of pleasure and delight. Yet this bit of time .... this little patch through September and October as the leaves turn orange and brown, in a riot of colour and mists wreathe through the hedges, this time of year leaves me a little sad.

Maybe I need to just embrace the feeling and not be too concerned, and when it realises it cannot set up a permanent camp it will go on its way.

I am going to go up and have a bath now - one of my cast iron antidotes to little hiccups in my equilibrium. Oh yes, and a nice glass of wine and a curry - its was to be Moroccan Pie with a quorn base but hey - give me a break. One of the benefits of feeling sad is that I have a good reason for a little indulgence :o)

Friday, August 31, 2007

Pictures can be deceptive

I was looking through my holiday snaps and came across these two of myself. Do I look like the same woman? Both dont do me justice - both make me look thicker round the waist than a whale ommlette (cheers for that one Black Adder).

However both do seem to say something about my cheery disrespect for fashion and conventional style. If ever I buy a women's magazine I completely skip anything to do with fashion or beauty. Whats the point of endlessly conforming to what a bunch of (usually gay*) image police say is 'in' at the moment. I have yet to meet a man who liked an anorexic looking woman or who did not get EXTREME pleasure from making the wobbly bits wobble in the heat of passion. Sooo I am going to post these pics and stick a big unmanecured finger up to the recieved wisdom on what makes a woman beautiful.

I already know I am beautiful I let my energy, earthy sexiness, warmth and sense of fun do that for me, oh and the boobs help too :o)

* Nothing against being gay - I like the whole gay thing, just find gay men a little bit hard to take serviously when it comes to what makes a woman appealing to men.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Just a quickie

Since Monday's long blog I have been very remiss. Had a brief foray into my blog chums blogs but have not sat down to write. In the light of this I thought I would write a quick post while I wait to pick my son up from his job - waiting on tables at a very up market pub in the wilds Staffordshire/Derbyshire.

I had a massage client tonight and found it a most uncomfortable experience. The rather healthy muesli and chopped banana for breakfast was reacting unfavourably with the guacamole for lunch. Not good! I forgot my sequence twice and managed to spill the ylang ylang on the towel while painfully distracted by the rumbling Krakatoa that was my digestive system.

After such an ordeal I popped straight upstairs to change, freshen up and get into my nightie - pink fluffy socks as well. On coming downstairs Mr Vix watched me settle onto the sofa and then raised an empty bottle of red wine in salute. Someone was over the limit and unable to pick up hard working son! So as I say .... just writing a quick post while waiting to do taxi duty. I am still in my nightie and pink socks and that's how its staying - sod it. I shall put on a pair of shoes, go out in a state of undress and hope that I don't bump into any over zealous coppers.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The Interview

Ok, so Kahless asked me five questions and I have already answered one, so the next one is

How did you get into being a masseur?

When I had kids I made a decision to stay at home with them and bring them up. Mr Vixen was climbing the corporate ladder so I retreated to the home to be a stop at home Mum. I still believe it was the best thing to do for them, they are fabulous young adults and very settled, confident etc. It was the right choice for them however I did not fare so well. I was depressed and got into thinking that I was going to die. It took ten years to diagnose me with depression. What finally did it was the poltergeist activity.

Wierd things started to happen, and the rest of the family got really freaked out about it. I used to be able to turn on tellies and stereos when I was distressed. Things randomly fell out of cupboards and I used to turn on the shower just by walking past the room. One day I returned from shopping, put my car keys on the table, bought in the shopping and when I picked up my keys they had all bent over, like they had melted. I got my ass down the docs and was sent to a therapist (I think you can work out who that was) who amongst other things told me I was bored! She was right - she was so so so right. She also suggested that I look at my book collection to see what I was naturally interested in. The big themes were myths, legends and magick, cookery and complementary therapies. I had done enough bloody cooking, so I opted for the complementary therapies.

The first thing I did was to look into courses at my local college. I wanted night classes because I was still needed for childcare. There was an Aromatherapy course I was interested in. I signed up, it was daunting after being away from things for so long but I did enjoy it. I was good at it too, it was an NVQ and I passed without a problem earning a Certificate in Swedish Body Massage. The second year of the course was Aromatherapy but by then I realised that I needed more of a challenge. I needed more depth, and was getting interested in healing and energy. I found a Diploma course in Holistic Aromatherapy and joined it. It was my first taste of weekend study and it was the course that changed my life. I met my first witch on that course, and I went away on a residential stay for the first time since I was 14. Suddenly I realised that there was life outside of the home and the church.

I passed my Diploma and am a Professional Aromatherapist but that was not enough either. My therapist advised me to think about becoming a therapist myself - my third category of interest on my book shelf was myth, magick and legend; The stories of the subconscious, the commentaries of the human condition. I signed up for a Masters Degree in psychotherapy and here I am, almost there. Its been an incredible journey and I am unrecognisable from the woman I once was. Massage got me started on that road.

Imagine you are a champion sportswoman. What sport would you excel at and why this one?

Archery. That was the immediate response. I have never held a bow, but have a bow and arrows on my birthday list, a native American set. Perhaps its because I am a Sagittarius and have always identified with the Archer. Plus I like working with Artemis energy, the virgin goddess who hunted in the forest with her bow. I guess it fits with my interest in ancient times. If society collapsed, being able shoot an accurate arrow would come in handy.

Tell us about one of your favourite books.

Ludo and the Star Horse by Mary Stewart. I first heard this on Jackanory - yes I liked Jackanory, it was great! I remember being enchanted. Spell bound. I still read it regularly. It plots the journey of a young boy through the star country of the 12 signs of the zodiac. Ludo accompanies his horse through the twelve houses to catch the sun. The only chance for his horse to survive is to catch the sun, and be harnessed to the solar chariot - otherwise he will die. Ludo enters the star country in the house of the Archer, Sagittarius. He then travels through all of the houses meeting the 'Lords' of the house on his way. Some are benevolent some cruel. He learns so much on his journey and grows as an individual. His loyalty is rewarded in the house of the Scorpion, when he is allowed to return to the real world and his companion passes through death to become immortal and pull the chariot of the sun. Ludo returns home; he is found in the snow - he has been buried in an avalanche and as he looks to the sky he sees his horse gallop across the dark expanse and into the dawn, his golden shoe striking sparks from the top of the mountain. It always makes me cry. It is of course one of those script stories that appealed to me because it resonates with my life path. As well as the obvious astrological and mystical setting it describes a journey through life, the ups and downs and how sometimes we all need someone to travel along side so that we can achieve our dreams.

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements outside of your family.

I think all of the above qualifies. Getting back onto my true path. Being able to meet old school friends and hold my head up high, to know that I have fulfilled my potential at last. Being a mental health professional, working in the NHS - having a busy Private Practice. I am so proud of what I have achieved. Its all the more important to me knowing that I came from such a place of despair to do it. I am proud of that. When I actually graduate with my Masters degree it will be a dream come true. Then comes the PhD - I want the title!

So there it is. If anyone wants to do an interview email me and i will come up with 5 questions. Thanks Kahless - I have enjoyed it.

Ok so thats enough cleaning!

I don't like doing the housewife thing. I really really don't like doing it. I can stand about 48 hours of it and then I seem to lose the plot. The wheels come off the wagon and I grind to a halt imagining life to be an unfair conspiracy to keep me imprisoned in an endless cycle of laundry, cooking and cleaning. Not for me the sunny day outside, not for me the opportunities of the open road, not for me the countless wonderful experiences that are out there. Hey I know its scripty crap but it still takes me completely by surprise. Amazing what a sustained blitz at the kitchen can do to my mental health, which also sheds light onto why I got quite so depressed for 10 years raising my kids. Which also brings me onto the next question in Kahless's interview so I shall make myself a cuppa and start writing. Writing is so cathartic and I will be right as rain in a couple of hours!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I am having a tidying day

Its bank holiday weekend. The weather is great, got my Lara Croft shorts on and I have a day with nothing in particular to do. I am going to sort out my blogs - ie visit everyones blog that is on my roll and go hunting for others. I rarely get the luxury of just surfing. Plus do at least one more question from Kahless's interview.

The other thing I fancy doing is tidying. Now I am no house keeper. I loathe cleaning, I cannot raise any enthusiasm for cleaning products, I tend to make beds once every couple of months. It is a picture of slovenly deshevellment. However, today I really do need to smell cif lemon fresh and be able to go into the untility room without a bio hazard suit on. So my friends, its rubber gloves and a squeegy for me today.

I am going to crack on, get some heavy rock on the stereo and get jiggy with the bleach.

See you later.