Sunday, September 16, 2007

The Mighty Cheese

So here it is, the long awaited cheese post. I hope it is worth the wait. The idea came while I was lying in the bath and thinking of how cheeses have different characteristics and that you could fit certain characteristics to certain people. I began to think of what sort of cheese I would be. I am still undecided and will invite suggestions. People are fairly particular about cheeses, some adore the blue veined rich and tangy sorts, others prefer the milder, creamier types. Some seem to be universal favourites while others are acquired tastes. So I have decided to assign you all a cheese based on my impression of you through your writing, please don't be offended if I don't come up with one of your favourites for you, I have explained each of my choices.

Bobo: Austrian Smoked. I was tempted to say Edam due to the Dutch heritage and would have named a Polish cheese if I knew any, but I wanted to capture the 'continental' nature of young Bobo, and the impish quality that he has. He is an unusual one, that is for sure. Austrian smoked sums him up, what you see on the outside gives nothing away as to the smoky quality that you find on the inside. Out of the ordinary, a surprisingly mild texture and often appears in the cheese pic n mix - loves the attention and is often found at parties.

Chopski: Without wishing to be cheesy, no pun intended, Chopski has to be Danish Blue - the name alone nods in the direction of Ivana, spanking and all the things that Chopski indulges in when he is not chasing the elusive 'People's friend'. Danish blue has hidden qualities too - milder in nature than the usual veined cheeses and so can surprise with depth and perception.

Craig: Craig is goats cheese. There is no way that he is run of the mill; he chooses a different path and presents alternative ways of looking at the world. Hey is it always about cows milk? Not according to Craig! Mild in nature and providing a unique experience for the discerning palette.

Darth: Monterrey Jack. The all American Cheese and all round performer. He is prone to melting softly but still adds bite to most dishes. He is resilient and versatile and usable even when hard and crusty. A cheese for all seasons and highly recommended for migraine sufferers, as he is guaranteed not to give you a headache.

Dj: Sage Derby. A cheese of distinct flavour. Attractive, vibrant, vivacious. She has a unique quality and has over the years has contained not just the healing qualities of sage but other medicinal, and health enhancing garden herbs. A rustic cheese that has homely origins yet is tangy, challenging and completely intoxicating.

Exmoor Jane: Cheshire I would say. Not had too much to do with her yet but am impressed by the mild and mellow texture of her writing. Nothing too harsh, and a lovely addition to any cheese board.

Hedgewizard: Hedge is one of those regional cheeses that is made with seasonal fruit. Somerset Damson, or Dorset Bilberry - mild, creamy, most deffinately fruity and bursting with tangy berries. Velvet texture with the ability to surprise and amuse.

Hullaballoo: Feta - it was tempting to pick an Isle of Bute Cheddar but I think not, her nature is softer, more accommodating - a versatile cheese that is at home in a mixed bean hot pot as well as melting on top of an Italian pizza.

Kahless: This was a hard one as there are many shades of Kahless - in the end I plumped for Mature Cheddar. Real, tangy, crumbly delicious Cheddar. A universal favourite who has the kind of taste that suits all sorts of moods. Works just as well on a stick with a chunk of pineapple as she does in a tangy cheese sauce. Ploughman's lunch or cheese butty for all those days working with the concrete, and the ability to mingle beautifully with fish or chicken for those quieter more subtle dishes. Versatility is the quality here and a good all round performer.

L-q-s: A soft cheese and garlic roulle. Deliciously tasty with a tantalising combination of creamy cheese, rustic herbs and garlic, all presented delightfully. A spiral shape which represents her Celtic heritage and goddess spirituality.

Prada Pixie: Camembert - generally arrives in a petite and beautifully presented box often with pretty gingham trim. Obviously of good background, classy french and able to be enjoyed while fresh and firm with white wine and olives, or to be savoured when allowed to ripen over time as a rich and indulgent treat.

Silent Observer: Edam for him. Encased in wax to keep prying eyes away from the very salty, moreish interior. Often dismissed as an unworthy cheese and overlooked for more 'conventional' cheesy delights yet nothing satisfies as much as a hastily grabbed chunk of Edam and a pickled onion. Nibbletastic.(By the way, if everyone shouts very loud he might just wake up! - Woo hoo Silent!)

Vi: What else but Stilton. Queen of the Cheeses. Unrivalled for ripeness, bite and flavour. In yer face, no compromise - like it or 'f**k off' and certainly not for wimps. Can create obsessive lust in cheese worshippers, and has caused the downfall of many a good christian.

Wake up: Brie - elegant, sophisticated and to be served at room temperature with grapes and a cold glass of chardonnay. A thoughtful cheese, not to be scoffed down in a frenzy but taken and savoured with discernment.

Westerwitch: A new comer to my blog roll and rather hard to decide upon, but I reckon a Red Leicester for her. Commanding a loyal following, distinctive, tangy - a colourful character who also has versatility, and can pep up the ordinary.

Enjoy your nibbles!


DJ Kirkby said...

Wow! Thank you.... Did you know that the French word for midwife is sagefemme? BTW, Chopper doesn't realy engage in any spanking in RL only in fiction but other than that you described him perfectly! I am begining to suspect you actualy know us in RL...

Kahless said...

Ah Dr Vixen a fantastic choice, thank-you. Your psychic powers are well tuned and maybe you described me well. There is only one cheese that I will eat not cooked (and only a couple cooked) and that is cheddar. Yes, I am probably your average all round performer! :-)

Anonymous said...

LOL!! I wish I liked myself! But, it has been a long time since I tried myself,.. maybe I will give myself another go and see what I think now. C:)

Pixie said...

Love the idea of being a camambert, especially if allowed to ripen... oh yes that's me.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

*vi falls of chair with laughter!*

Oooh, you got me so well! Stilton is my FAVE!!!!!!!! Just add port and the cheese is well and truly pickled, like me!

Hedgewizard said...

*wakes up* Whut? There's a Dorset Bilberry? I'll get me coat...

DJ Kirkby said...

P.S. I've iven you an award.

l-q-s said...

Heh. Was thinking Boursin would be perfect for me and that's pretty close! :)

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not making me Stinking Bishop. And I adore Brie, particularly when runny.

And I think you got some others spot on, particularly Darth and Vi.

Chopski said...

That was really cool! Thank you.

Böbø said...

Awwwww Queenie what a utlra lovely post. MMMmmmmm Austrian Smoked cheese ... I love it. Had some on Saturday night, and yes, at a party.

Oddly enough Poland's most famous cheese (if that isn't an oxymoron) is Oscypek, a powerfully smoked sheep's milk cheese made up in the high Tatra mountains. So spot on!

Böbø said...

Ohhh, and I'm inching towards you as Taleggio: Buttery, delicate, semi-soft and subtlety sweet? Yeah, I know it lacks the Vampish Sword and High Heels part of you.

Hmmmm - a vampish rock chick of a cheese, what would that be? How about a Grana Padano? You can't have it on it's own really, but who wouldn't think of spicing up their lives with a sprinkling of Parmesan?

eleKtrofly said...

i think im a cabrales or maybe just a sharp cheddar

Queen Vixen said...

Dj: I did not know that fact - ooh I was more accurate than I thought. I do feel I know you, writing and blogging is actually really intimate. Thanks for my award - will get my awards panel sorted shortly.

Kahless: Glad you liked your cheese K, also glad to hear my psychic powers are still functioning.

Craig: Always worth a nibble - sooo many inuendo's lining up but I will behave.

Pixie: Its best when ripe ;o)

Vi: Pickled and potted - a good combination.

Hedge: Well if there isnt I am sure you can make one - being a man of rustic talent. Sure I tasted one on holiday, you have to stalk the farmers markets and WI's.

l-q-s: Boursin was the one I was thinking of too - but I wanted to encorporate the spiral as well.

Wake up: You could never be Stinking Bishop - and thank you (bows)

Chopski: Dj has blown your cover, we all know you dont spank! Have not forgotten your reading, its on my list.

Bobo: Aww thanks - you have awarded me my own cheese - two cheeses. I shall cherish them, and ransack Sainsbury's for a taste of me.

Queen Vixen said...

Elektrofly: Thanks for stopping by. I shall check out your blog - looks like you should be a cheese with bite.

Anonymous said...

What a lovely post, such creativity and thoughtfulness. Hmm, feta cheese, dead exotic and greek and that.

And there I was thinking you would choose a medium Galloway Cheddar for me, but then that would have been far too middle of the road lol.

Queen Vixen said...

Hull: Of course you would be something exotic - my memories of you were exotic. Even though you were pissed off with me in that workshop lol x

Exmoorjane said...

I am a Cheese! I am so impressed. Thank you QV - I'm honoured to make your roll call. Don't really like Cheshire though - a bit crumbly for my taste. Am feeling a bit like a mozarella today - sort of bloated and white and a bit wobbly!!

Queen Vixen said...

Exmoor: Now that I know you a little better I would not have you down as chedder. I think you may be a gorgonzola - something with more body and bite, expecially in the vicinity of Liz Jones and the grizzly yoga man.