Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Journey

I used to tread a very narrow path - after all, "Wide is the gate and broad is the way that leadeth to destruction". My world consisted of my family, my church and my home.

How could such a narrow place ever contain me?

I tried to stay within it beleiving it to be "right" - that reward was to be had in the diminishing of self, the withdrawing from experience and the covering of the veil.

When I look back now, I feel compassion for myself. My poor fragile, poorly self and I do give thanks that I had that experience because now ... now I love every minute of my life. Every busy, frantic, wonderful minute!

People tell me to slow down, to take it easy, to give myself a break. Why? Why ... when there is so much to do, and see and feel!

Spirit knows no frontiers, adventure ventures where it will,
Horizons lead to more horizons, time won't let us stop too still
And life is such a tempting menu, there is so much left to eat,
Borders mustn't cage the spirit, borders only stop our feet.

I had some Shamanic Healing in November. It was an amazing experience and it removed the final block to movement.

The block was a long held family script belief that movement forward will mean death. 70 years ago my great Aunt announced to her family that she was no longer going to attend the Church that she wanted more out of life, she wanted to explore an make her own way in the world. Within a week of her decision she was killed in a road accident - she was 19 years old.

Because of her death my father was born.

I have carried this tragedy and the moral message that was spun through the fibre of the family since birth. It took a long time to find the energy hiding in my body - it was in my right hip (a place where I had experienced pain for many years. Once the healer found it and I requested that it leave - it came from me. I uttered primal, gutteral cries as my body bucked and shuddered. It was like giving birth.

Then it was gone, I glimpsed for a moment my Great Aunt ... smiling and I had a new belief.

To move is to live!

I no longer experience pain in my hip or my heart.

I drink to you, brothers and sisters who take to the road, with
Your dreams and your visions,
Your spirits alive with the flow of your movement,
Seeking and venturesome along with the wistful and blue,
Shaping new lives from the uncharted patterns of life as it happens,
Day by day, day by day,
From the uncharted patters of life as it hapens, finding new ways

Brian Boothby; Trafalgar

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Phew - what a relief!

Been tidying!

Not just general tidying but finally clearing my study. It was so bad the cat was using it as a litter tray. I am ashamed!

Anyway - 3 hours and 2 Gin and tonics later I can move again. My desk has emerged from the chaos, it does exist it was not just a figment of my imagination.

I feel lighter, clearer - and able to face my day of admin tomorrow.

I started my CBT course in London this week. So far so good - I was the only counsellor the rest were clinical psychologists and one rather eccentric psychiatrist. I think I am going to love it - especially as I come out the other end a fully fledged supervisor as well as a therapist (Wooooooo)

Another BIG benefit is that Mei is going to put me up once a fortnight. Hopefully we will be able to have some girlie time together - and some wine. Cant thank her enough so Mei if your reading this - you are a star!

Right ... now for the ironing. Resembles Ben Nevis - going to take a long time!

Friday, January 02, 2009

Quite a bit of Psyche but not much Magick

I was worrying about my blog at at 4am this morning. I do tend to sprinkle in a lot of 'Psyche' in the form of psychotherapy, personal disclosure - some theory woven in to the fabric. But where is the Magick? I know I may be falling woefully short on that one. I have a number of readers who have impressive backgrounds in the Craft and often wonder whether they find my blog a bit of a let down.

I suppose I can only be me - and if that means ranting about my mother rather than discussing the merits of the waxing or waning moon then it will have to be so! I am only human after all - with a bit of valkeryie thrown in.

Moon phases are actually one of my spiritual focuses this year. I have the most beautiful diary - Earth Pathways - produced by the Moonshare Co-operative. The moon phase is on each days entry and its proving invaluable.

I have been happily in tune with the Wheel of the Year for some time now - the solstices and equinoxes plus the 4 Celtic celebrations. It provides a wonderful psycho spiritual structure. The Sun is observed admirably in my yearly routine but what of the moon? The moon, after all, holds special spiritual and symbolic significance for women .. but its not just women - Earth's magnetic field follows lunar cycles, and I believe that it affects men as well(I have a very close friend who can track his 'period' and gives prior warning to those that know him!)

Full moon is notoriously a time of restlessness, instinct and wild urges - think the symbology of the were wolf: the wild spirit of man released by the power of the moon. Moon dark is a time of contemplation and withdrawing, a time when we should curl up and cherish ourselves. I am a great believer in rhythm - I think it is the key to physical and mental health.

During this time of the waxing moon why not allow your New Year resolutions to gradually increase in power, bit by bit becoming more solid rather than an all or nothing approach - by full moon on the 11th they will be in full flow. Its what I am doing and I already feel more in control, a far less precarious position to be in than a 'one slip will ruin it all' mind set.

Moon blessings to you all!