Sunday, September 02, 2007
Some reflections on my mood
I have been on such a high the last few days. I really don't want it to stop. Yet as I sit and write this post I feel as if its slipping away ever so slightly. Noooooooo. Isn't it strange how this can happen. Some nuance of brain chemistry or hormonal fluctuation (if we are going to be all medical about it), or in rather more poetic terms some wistful yearning, sadness or bitter sweet feeling that just creeps upon us and flows into our consciousness.
I always feel a bit like this at this time of year. Its coming up to the Autumn Equinox - the year is on the wane, the crops are coming in thick and fast; and while this is a cause for celebration and abundance it also heralds the onset of Winter, and the end of all we have striven for and reaped, and loved: Our projects have reached fruition, new ones are about to start and that long still August time has finished. Holidays are over. Autumn melancholy I call it. I tend to ignore it and pat myself on the back for being in tune with the earth and the seasons.
This year I don't want it to set in. I have so much to look forward to. I have a big grown up examination in October (OK so maybe that's not so great but it is a chance to prove myself and get the shiny qualification). I have a whole new moot experience coming up that I hope will prove rewarding, new friends to meet, new blogs to post - business to run, new learning to be done. Its all positive and good, and maybe my melancholy is a natural stillness before the fray.
I actually love the Winter - its stark beauty, the cosy fires and the dark cold nights that inspire dreams and hot chocolates. I get to celebrate New Year twice. Samhain (Halloween) is the start of the Celtic new year and is all decadent with orange pumpkins and hot fermented apple based brews. Plus there is Yule (Winter Solstice) which for me really is the start of the New Year when the sun begins to gain in strength and all of nature stands quiet - poised on the edge of rebirth. I love Yule and then cash in on Christmas as well. My birthday is in November and I celebrate that to the max. So plenty to look forward to and enjoy. Plenty to breathe in to my soul in golden waves of pleasure and delight. Yet this bit of time .... this little patch through September and October as the leaves turn orange and brown, in a riot of colour and mists wreathe through the hedges, this time of year leaves me a little sad.
Maybe I need to just embrace the feeling and not be too concerned, and when it realises it cannot set up a permanent camp it will go on its way.
I am going to go up and have a bath now - one of my cast iron antidotes to little hiccups in my equilibrium. Oh yes, and a nice glass of wine and a curry - its was to be Moroccan Pie with a quorn base but hey - give me a break. One of the benefits of feeling sad is that I have a good reason for a little indulgence :o)