Sunday, September 02, 2007

Some reflections on my mood

I have been on such a high the last few days. I really don't want it to stop. Yet as I sit and write this post I feel as if its slipping away ever so slightly. Noooooooo. Isn't it strange how this can happen. Some nuance of brain chemistry or hormonal fluctuation (if we are going to be all medical about it), or in rather more poetic terms some wistful yearning, sadness or bitter sweet feeling that just creeps upon us and flows into our consciousness.

I always feel a bit like this at this time of year. Its coming up to the Autumn Equinox - the year is on the wane, the crops are coming in thick and fast; and while this is a cause for celebration and abundance it also heralds the onset of Winter, and the end of all we have striven for and reaped, and loved: Our projects have reached fruition, new ones are about to start and that long still August time has finished. Holidays are over. Autumn melancholy I call it. I tend to ignore it and pat myself on the back for being in tune with the earth and the seasons.

This year I don't want it to set in. I have so much to look forward to. I have a big grown up examination in October (OK so maybe that's not so great but it is a chance to prove myself and get the shiny qualification). I have a whole new moot experience coming up that I hope will prove rewarding, new friends to meet, new blogs to post - business to run, new learning to be done. Its all positive and good, and maybe my melancholy is a natural stillness before the fray.

I actually love the Winter - its stark beauty, the cosy fires and the dark cold nights that inspire dreams and hot chocolates. I get to celebrate New Year twice. Samhain (Halloween) is the start of the Celtic new year and is all decadent with orange pumpkins and hot fermented apple based brews. Plus there is Yule (Winter Solstice) which for me really is the start of the New Year when the sun begins to gain in strength and all of nature stands quiet - poised on the edge of rebirth. I love Yule and then cash in on Christmas as well. My birthday is in November and I celebrate that to the max. So plenty to look forward to and enjoy. Plenty to breathe in to my soul in golden waves of pleasure and delight. Yet this bit of time .... this little patch through September and October as the leaves turn orange and brown, in a riot of colour and mists wreathe through the hedges, this time of year leaves me a little sad.

Maybe I need to just embrace the feeling and not be too concerned, and when it realises it cannot set up a permanent camp it will go on its way.

I am going to go up and have a bath now - one of my cast iron antidotes to little hiccups in my equilibrium. Oh yes, and a nice glass of wine and a curry - its was to be Moroccan Pie with a quorn base but hey - give me a break. One of the benefits of feeling sad is that I have a good reason for a little indulgence :o)


Pixie said...

Beautiful prose.
Made all the rain, sleet, snow and other horrors of winter sound almost bearable!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

I feel all melancholy at this time of year, too. And my birthday is two weeks after Christmas. Couldn't be a worse time. Enjoy your bath. Moroccan pie with quorn base? Sounds intriguing.

Kahless said...

I don’t like winter: it’s cold and dark; the dogs get miserable as they don’t get to go out so much; colds are rife.

Btw I am relying on you to remind me of the equinoxes; I have a joke to play on a blog friend at winter solstice (when it is their summer solstice.)

Curry is definitely preferable to quorn ; not that I have tried it but it just sounds yuck! I indulged in multitudes of chocolate today and got a delightful sugar rush.

Hope your bath helped.

Exmoorjane said...

Ah it's a natural thing, this upping and downing of mood to tie in with the seasons.... The days get shorter, nature is starting to pull in its energy and we do too. I too feel the sadness of the waning summer (particularly as it doesn't really feel as if we have had any summer yet) but yes, sirree, to Autumn Equinox (not one of my favourites really but hey, any festival is good in my book) and absolutely to Samhain and roll on Yule/Christmas/New Year....though not quite yet!
Would love to know your Moroccan pie recipe - I'm having to cook for my mother at the moment who's not only veggie but had a zillion food intolerances so always on the lookout for interesting dishes.

WesterWitch/Headmistress said...

Just wanted to say thank you so much for commenting on my blog - I haven't had time to read yours properly tonight, but `i will do so and comment properly.

See our Exmoorjane is here from Purplecoo . . .

DJ Kirkby said...

Good post, reached deep inside me. Wish I could invite you round for supper and some laughter.

Chopski said...

I get up every day at 4:30 and it's so dark now it's depressing! BTW, you promised me a tarot reading if I reminded you.

Anonymous said...

I swear it gets dark an hour earlier on Sept 1 than it does on Aug 31. I swear!!!

Indeed, the human mind needs house keeping too.

Hedgewizard said...

What Craig said. Haven't you heard, it's OK to mourn the passing of the light?

Queen Vixen said...

Pixie: Aww thanks - it seemed to flow, and I can be poetic when the mood takes me.

Wakeup: I much prefer a birthday just before to just after. My sister is Jan 7th and hates it! I will let you know about the Pie - I am cooking it today.

Kahless: I will remind you. Winter solstice is usually around the 21/22 December. Mmm sugar rush - could do with one myself.

Exmoorjane: Autumn equinox is quite a sad old festival I agree. All about letting go and settling scores and old wounds. The quorn pie is today so I will pass on the recipe if indeed it is edible. I have a good one for Chilli Quorn Carne if anyone is interested.

Westerwitch: Hello, glad to have you drop by. Jane arrived Friday!

DJ: Supper and laughter sounds good - we all need a big Blog Moot, now wouldnt that be fun!

Chopski: Grizzly having to get up that early. I have put your tarot reading on my to do list. Would you like it on email or shall I post it up for the world to see!

Craig: I think you are right - the temperature drops too.

Hedgewizard: Ah yes, of course. I had not thought of it like that but now you say it, that is what is going on - hence the sadness, its about loss.

l-q-s said...

Oh, I seem to be an oddity then. I loooove this time of year. I am much happier in Autumn than in Summer. The colours soothe my soul in a way that the blatancy of summer simply cannot. I love the quality of the light in the mornings and the changing colours of the trees. I don't mind the days getting shorter either. To my mind, February should be cancelled but this part of the year is the bit that makes me feel at home! I'm a November baby too, as is my son. We don't do well in the heat, so perhaps that's part of it. We like wellies and big jumpers and scarves. :) And I've recently aquired a beautiful cape in blue Donegal tweed that is exactly suited to October time so I'm excited that the opportunity to try it out is drawing closer!

P.S. I know I've been rotten, after making you dream up questions, to not answer them but I shall start this evening when the small people have gone to bed. We were out picking blackberries yesterday and it sort of muddled up my timetable in a wholly happy way!

Chopski said...

Thanks! Perhaps I better see it before the world does, you could email it to DJ. Don't I have to cut the deck or something?

Queen Vixen said...

L-q-s: It is the most beautiful time of year, and I do hook into all the cosy stuff, its just this little transition period. It affects me. No worries about the interview, as and when you are ready.

Chopski: No problem, cant promise it will be done within 24 hours or anything but I wont forget.