Monday, July 23, 2007
Having slept on it ...
I am feeling in better shape today, after my bad experience and my rant. I still woke up this morning with the traces of negativity swirling around in my energy field. Spookily my Angel Card for yesterday was 'Surrender' - that is my least favourite of all, and it turned out to be beautifully accurate. In fact I took my Athame (ritual knife) and performed a banishing to rid myself of the 'Surrender' energy and drew a new card - it was the blank one. That is preferable! It means I was mistress of my own destiny today, I may leave it in place for the entire week!
Being mistress of my own destiny I decided that the group I attended yesterday was destructive, it highlighted a part of my Script which tells me that I have to stick around with people I don't like because if I tell them I don't like them, or refuse to 'play' then they may get upset.
So? I hear you say.
Well yes so what?
That's where I am. I have been repeatedly put down by this person, she has been rude and dominating and all the time I have been caring for her feelings and suppressing my own.
"Turn the other cheek, be a nice girl, they need a little friend" - Oh shut up mother and maybe if you had stood up for me a bit more then I would have learnt that I don't have to take all the crap people throw in my direction and can actually set boundaries that mean things are healthier and more honest for all concerned.
I have also worked out that this person has their own 'I am the best in all the world' Script and is therefore attracted to people who are prepared to play 'stupid' in order to keep her safe. Well I am not going to do that either - its all wrong!
So I have contacted a new supervisor, I am researching the possibility of another and i am voting with my feet. If there are any questions I will answer honestly and if the responses are hostile then I will tell the person concerned I am no longer willing to discuss the matter and the subject is closed. Time to move on, time to protect me; Time to act like a grown up.
I spoke to the other person in the group this morning and he felt the same as me. He was angry and upset too - he has made the same decision. Its a shame for both of us as we like working together but hanging on to a bad situation because there is one good bit in it is ridiculous. Not going to do it.
So there you are, thank you for being so supportive. I can feel my jolliness returning by the hour. I had both clients cancel this evening, (in answer to my silent prayer) so I am going to have a bath and read a good book. Going to put oils in my bath, light my 'Water' candles for love and contentment in relationship, and light some incense. Ahhhh the thought of it induces relaxation so the reality will be even better.
Blogland is great! Thanks for being there!