Monday, July 23, 2007

Having slept on it ...

I am feeling in better shape today, after my bad experience and my rant. I still woke up this morning with the traces of negativity swirling around in my energy field. Spookily my Angel Card for yesterday was 'Surrender' - that is my least favourite of all, and it turned out to be beautifully accurate. In fact I took my Athame (ritual knife) and performed a banishing to rid myself of the 'Surrender' energy and drew a new card - it was the blank one. That is preferable! It means I was mistress of my own destiny today, I may leave it in place for the entire week!

Being mistress of my own destiny I decided that the group I attended yesterday was destructive, it highlighted a part of my Script which tells me that I have to stick around with people I don't like because if I tell them I don't like them, or refuse to 'play' then they may get upset.

So? I hear you say.

Well yes so what?

That's where I am. I have been repeatedly put down by this person, she has been rude and dominating and all the time I have been caring for her feelings and suppressing my own.

"Turn the other cheek, be a nice girl, they need a little friend" - Oh shut up mother and maybe if you had stood up for me a bit more then I would have learnt that I don't have to take all the crap people throw in my direction and can actually set boundaries that mean things are healthier and more honest for all concerned.

I have also worked out that this person has their own 'I am the best in all the world' Script and is therefore attracted to people who are prepared to play 'stupid' in order to keep her safe. Well I am not going to do that either - its all wrong!

So I have contacted a new supervisor, I am researching the possibility of another and i am voting with my feet. If there are any questions I will answer honestly and if the responses are hostile then I will tell the person concerned I am no longer willing to discuss the matter and the subject is closed. Time to move on, time to protect me; Time to act like a grown up.

I spoke to the other person in the group this morning and he felt the same as me. He was angry and upset too - he has made the same decision. Its a shame for both of us as we like working together but hanging on to a bad situation because there is one good bit in it is ridiculous. Not going to do it.

So there you are, thank you for being so supportive. I can feel my jolliness returning by the hour. I had both clients cancel this evening, (in answer to my silent prayer) so I am going to have a bath and read a good book. Going to put oils in my bath, light my 'Water' candles for love and contentment in relationship, and light some incense. Ahhhh the thought of it induces relaxation so the reality will be even better.

Blogland is great! Thanks for being there!


Kahless said...

Hi Vix,
Glad that you reached a path of action, that is right for you. Good Luck. (not that you need luck, but you know what I mean.)

Anonymous said...

Glad you are feeling better.

Migrate is one of the 5 Options.


Pixie said...

Good that you are moving forward on this one. You are so strong, and you need to hold on to that, and not let bullies get the better of you. Easier aid than done though when there are script issues going on though.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Oooh, I soo need to do that soak myself. I've got angel cards, but I haven't even looked at them yet. Something else on my 'todo' list.

Kahless said...

Hey, I just googled Angel cards, went to a website that drew me a card....
I got The Angel of Courage!
Sounds a good card.

Böbø said...

I was thinking of getting some Archangel Oracle cards - what do you reckon to Doreen Virtues set? [Did I mention it was my birthday soon?]

As for the matter in hand, part of me is glad you've decided to removed yourself from hurt. But part of me is uneasy that you are leaving the group in order to do that. Obviously your professional commitment to confidentiality and a lack of cider to loosen your tongue means I'm not aware of the ins and outs of the situation.

Sometimes leaving is completely appropriate. Sometimes running away is the smart move. I guess I'd just want to hear a little about your thinking for not remaining in the group and confronting her. Though a biased facilitator is probably a hint.

Pixie is right: you are strong (and rather special)


l-q-s said...

Hi QV. Read what you wrote yesterday and empathised completely. Sounds like me & my mum all over. Bit different in that I don't need her supervision to pass courses or whatever but the feeling that the person who's supposed to be constructive and, in some manner, supportive is just being a bitch is not a nice one.

Glad you felt able to make a decision one way or the other. Sometimes I think making a decision to do something puts you back on track. Am now off for my bath with a new book on angels. (I am stamping on the critical internal voice that says it's all hogwash in order to try and read with an open mind. The 'open' part of me is loving the permission to revel in all manner of positive energies. :D )

Queen Vixen said...

K: Thanks, and luck is always welcome :o)

C: I am feeling better, cheers! I shall check out the 5 options! Started writing this message before I clicked on the link, and navigating away from the page means I lose my comments. So 5 options next!

Pix: Bullies have always been a bit of a problem, moving into positive circles is a much healthier option than staying put.

Vi: The soak was great - I like my angel cards, they are one worders but that is ok for me.

Kahless2: I had courage last week, as you know, courage is a good one. I am still on my 'mistress of destiny one' its working for me!

Bobo: I am not a great fan of Doreen Virtue, not a fan at all. Her stuff is very popular but I find it rather sickly sweet. Everything is nice and fluffy - real life is not like that. Your birthday - oh yes, I have not forgotten but you may not be getting any Doreen lol. I am not running from hurt, I am making a decision to reject a certain style of working, which I actually dont get a lot out of. I dont want to scratch my head and then have an inquisition into why I chose to do that and what it says about my unconscious process!

Queen Vixen said...

i-q-s: Thanks for the empathy, I am taking action and it has grounded me. Enjoy your bath and your angels. Positive energy has to be good, enjoy your angels.