Tuesday, June 19, 2007


Good evening my fellow bloggers. I feel so much better today, thank you all for your support and aknowledgment. It means such a lot. I feel that I should give you all something cheerfull to read. Not the same old maudlin stuff about assignments and issues, woe and despair. However I need to be real, so I shall write about what happened to me today - and how I feel.

I had supervision today. My supervisor is the toppest top bloke in the entire therapy world. I have so much respect for him. He is not precious about therapy and lives in the real world. A very very real world and as a result he is just the best. In fact even my outrageous interventions get the thumbs up from him, where more conservative therapists suck in their breath and mutter about contracts and safety and it feels as if they are stifling any creative impulses. So back to my top bloke supervisor.

I was describing how pressured I felt. How I had been struggling with writers block how I was feeling isolated, how I have so many clients I dont know what to do and have no time to write. Do you know what he said? Well let me tell you. He said, "when you pass your cta exam I am going to buy you a pair of little blue spangly hot pants, a red boob tube, and a cloak and headband" It took a little while to work out he was using a little bit of irony/sarcasm (never worked out the difference between those two).

Suddenly it dawned on me. I never thought to call him, never once considered asking for help. Another friend of mine bollocked my, by text, only yesterday to say I never ask for help - I just go to ground and become a hermit, coping in my own silent way. How true it all is! (Cue the hollow laugh) The simplest of human coping strategies and I just dont do it. I never ask for help. Why? Because I dont want to be a pain in the ass - because of course I am, oh yes, and only pains in the asses ask for help - of course! What a twisted way of thinking, what a recipe for lonliness and isolation. Its one thing to be stoic and brave, but quite another to sink without trace while your friends wonder where you have gone.

So I have decided to ask for help. I am going to start with my supervisor because he is such a top bloke (I think I mentioned that) and I shall allow myself to need my friends;(Scary scary)Its going to be tough - and I do so want that little outfit when I pass my exam.

More in a bit ...


l-q-s said...

QV, I completely get your 'not wanting to be a pain in the ass' thing and I'm exactly the same myself. But, no, if we're honest, it's probably not the smartest way to be. It's quite a hard habit to break though.

I find it's also a case of thinking that no one can do what I want done the way I want it done... Which increases the feeling of "I must stand on my own two feet or I won't be a grown up and people will think I'm pathetic!"

I bet you'll look wicked in those hot pants though. :D

Pixie said...

Have you been reading my thoughts again about not being a nuisance??

Anyway you are not a pain in the arse, so don't even go there.

What you are is a beautiful, very sexy, gorgeous witch who I'm really pleased to have in my life as a really good mate.

Queen Vixen said...

l-q-s: Kindred witchy spirit, maybe we like to be strong and goddess like. Impervious, mysterious, aloof and seductive. Well thats what I tell myself when the grown ups dont think I am pathetic. ie I am being indomitable! Hot pants - a must for any exam celebration!

Pixie: Thank you and bless you. You are wonderful too, and pains in the assess should stick together lol (no your not a pain in the ass) xxx