I ordered the most fabulous book on domestic abuse (occupational hazard - not the abuse bit, but the research around it) Its called "Living with the Dominator" written by Pat Craven of the Freedom Programme
It is my favourite bog reading material at the moment. (Yes us women read on the toilet too - or am I a female freak?) I seem to spend my private time (door has a lock) gasping in shock and alarm at the things I am reading within its pages. Bloody hell, it is a pertinent little read, so much has shadows of the familiar and every teenage girl should be presented with a copy upon reaching puberty.
I regularly read snippets out at home (cue groans and shuffling from male members of house) and it occurred to me that I do seem to whinge on about men - a lot! But I like men, I really do like men, so how come I feel myself slowly but surely becoming an Amazon. Pixie asked me the other day whether I could have a relationship with a woman and I had to honestly answer - yes! Maybe its my Guinevere (can never spell that) script. Oh yes, I do have one, Arthur, Lancelot - countless other Knights attending my table - buuuut - where does said Queen end up? in a convent living with a bunch of women. Ok Ok so she still has Excalibur under her bed (work it out), but essentially she ends up living with women.
I do have gender issues in my script (Dad = cross dresser) and I am overtly sexy (so I am told) and I love mankind for very obvious reasons - oh yes! I certainly do - but I am constantly on a campaign of crossness against 'men'. Please forgive me all you delicious men out there, but maybe its an outpouring of rage against so much stereo typing that still goes on in society. eg advertising. Need a car? need a spark plug? Need to stop your pits smelling? - Lets slap a skimpily clad woman on the poster (ugg ugg ugg) Its bloody pathetic! and we all collude with it.
Soooo the upshot of this blog is that I want to quote you something of a passage written in the 50's called "The Good Wives Guide" to maybe explain why women - and the new winging me - have all of this generational rage still going on.
"Have dinner ready when your husband returns home. Men are hungry when they come home and you will show him that you are concerned for his well being.
Prepare yourself, put a ribbon in your hair. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift, and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter just before your husband arrives, make sure you run a duster over the tables.
Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children, wash their hands and faces and change their clothes. They are his little treasures and he would like to see them playing their part. Minimise all noise.
Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you."
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH! Enough said!!!
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10 comments:
Love it, love it, love it!!!!!!! Sooooo, shoving the kids in front of the box to eat junk whilst I blog my mates is not the most becoming behaviour for the little woman on the master's return! Lol.
Strangely, these beliefs are still alive and kicking, as evidenced by my mother-in-law's (not surprisingly failed) efforts to get me to keep house properly. Yada yada yada, couldn't give a flying fuck! Let me find my apron (in the garage rafters somewhere, where I threw it some time ago in a fit of pique) so I can shove the apron strings up the author's arse and see if he/she can still throw together lamb rack and a forest fruit pavlova in a jiffy lol.
As I write, something is rattling round in my head. Oh yes, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." It's like saying the way to his eyeballs is through his skull! Never worked out the sense of that. What does it mean? Fat blokes are more loving? Cook your way to cock? What, what what?
Well done with your essays, such a slog, but well worth it. I avoid them where possible, so I may come to you for some tips when I am absolutely forced to write them. And, soon you will be free. And it's summer. And you are feeling fit and svelte from your good eating and regular exercise. Yippeee, hurray for you!!!
YOU go girl!!
it's a fab book that and we should all take serious notice of it at all times.... Maybe I should own how pissed i am right now and therefore not responsible in any way for any thing.
I had written lots more but it's not the right place or time. As I'm sure you understand.
love you loads
px
So funny! I remember my aunt sending me excerpts from that book, what a different world that was. Glad most of us have moved on even if only in small increments...
No you are not a freak (actually I dont know you well enough to categorically state that!) as I too am unashamed in my liking for bog material. We permanently keep reading material by the toilet. Currently mine is the Times Killer Sodoku and the Radio Times. As soon as the final Harry Potter book comes out, that will follow me everywhere until it is read.
My sister read out an excerpt from the Good Wives Guide out at her wedding. I recall it was the same passage that you quoted.
Hullaballoo: I echo all of your sentiments. Excellent! My grandmother gave me said advice on my marriage, sadly I did follow it to the letter until the raging beast that I now am burst out of me in true Alien style and I became an acid dripping feminist lol - having said that, my next post is going to be in praise of men, the little darlings! Essays - yes nearly there now. Advice freely given!
Pixie: Understand about being pissed. Remember you quoting the same kind of stuff at me ever so many years ago while I was following said advice - maybe you are responsible for the acid dripping feminist! A million thanks.
dj: Our female relatives should have known better, they were storing up a time bomb of discontent, unless your aunt was being ironic, you may have had a cool aunt unlike mine who, although sweet, did do the 'good wife' in every detail. Her husband was bored stiff!
Kahless: Relief on the female freak front. Current bog reading material apart from 'living with the dominator' is Goddesses - an anthology, Spiral Dance - Starhawk and the assortment of newspapers that have been left on the floor - you can tell I am the antithesis of the Good Wife by the lack of my bathroom cleanliness!
Thank god things have changed since the 50's!!!!
I'm guessing I probably ought not to enter this Ra!Ra! space. Feels sort of unwise to disturb the little women while they're having a bit of a paddy (oh you KNOW I'm being ironic, right, you DO know that ... see, I'm on some sort of suicidal bent)
But I loved Hullaballoo's slogan: "Cook your way to cock". If only. Especially if the reverse were true: "Cook your way to pussy".
Vi: I echo that sentiment. They were all taking vallium in the 50's no f**king wonder.
Bobo: Chop off their balls, string them up by their appendidge, - never cross a woman with a sword!
Cook your way to pussy? mmmmm probably not. Pretend to be all sensitive and understanding now that has more of a success rate - for shame! Bring my sword there are some attached testicles need attending to. hehehe - such fun being an Amazon.
My aunt was def joking. She is in her 50's, refuses to let her boyfriend move in, has sex with him on a daily basis, smokes dope every night, drinks champagne, cranberry juice or coffee, etc. She is a legend! She is also following in my mom's footsteps by growing old disgracefully and I adore them both.
Thanks for liking Living with the Dominator and I am glad it helped
Have a Happy and Peaceful New Year
Pat Craven Author
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