Good friends

What makes a good friend?

I experienced a good friend last night. I went out with Pixie for a meal and a couple of white wine sodas. I was in a sad place. I was feeling fat, unloveable, betrayed and overwhelmed.

Pixie was glowing with happiness after her weekend with her new man.

She was able to sit with me in my sad place. She did not try to solve it for me, she did not judge me, she offered some wonderful advice but it was not given with the underlying message that 'you have to do it or else I will feel discounted'. She let me be me.

In her good place of grounded, adult happiness she was able to contact me, and I her. My own sadness did not diminish my ability to glow with joy for her. We were present for each other.

We had a lovely time in spite of our different emotional moods.

Good friends are worth their weight in gold!

All done and dusted!

Second assignment in the bag. 2,665 words - a worthy tome. I am so CHUFFED! Lots of inspiration, lots of energy and my little bit of Earth magick worked a treat. Magick, after all, focuses intent. My intent needed focusing believe me!

"What concepts do you use to work with couples, families or groups and how do they inform the way you work?"

After musing on the grammatical accuracy and effectiveness of the actual question, I just bit the bullet and wrote it.

I have written over 5,000 words this weekend. Dissertation should take me all of a week! (Of course I know this is not true - but just let me revel in the feelings of confidence and relief!)

I have exam group tomorrow - I don't like exam group. Its always cold in the building, and there are some very ancient people there. I suspect that Exam Group is some sort of temporal displacement anomaly. Once in it, you stay there for years - getting steadily older but imagining yourself a sprightly young trainee. You emerge at your CTA, take one look into a mirror and go shrieking over the horizon clutching at your wizened features. Sod exam group next year. I shall be looking for other ways of 'staying in training'- ways that are actually beneficial and far more enjoyable.

So there you go, one hell of a weekend. My little study has been a haven of academic endeavour and now I shall blow out my inspirational candle, crack open a bottle of cider and order a Rajma Dupiaza!

Ms Smug Madam checking in

I just wrote an assignment in three hours. I did, I did, I did. Having moaned and struggled and grizzled about it for two months I just sat at the computer, lit my earth candle and got my bloody head down.

2,575 words in 3 hours. Not bad eh? I reckon all that thinking at the Moot this week got the brain desludged and ready to go.

It has given me hope for my dissertation, maybe I will get it done by the Summer if today's little performance is anything to go by.

I shall be closeted away tomorrow as well. Just got to reference today's work of art and science - (after all it is an MSc I will have after my name) and then I can look at the other one I HAVE to write before the end of Feb.

Just off for a luxurious bath as a reward for my efforts... ahhh and relax!

Dragons and Rings

I went to the Moot in Nottingham last night. It was quite an effort, truth be told. Hard day at work, inappropriate clothing for a cold night in January and the team meeting got cancelled so I had to shiver in the car for a bit before setting off. I had some good old 'northern' fish and chips: Once you get south of Burton on Trent the fish and chip quality seems to plummet. No offence meant - just an observation - try to get a decent chippy in Birmingham you will see what I mean.

I got lost on the way too. Found myself heading out to Grantham - no idea how it happened but thankfully the Moot Chieftain guided me in on my mobile. Said Moot Chieftain had already got a cider waiting so perhaps the seminar that followed APPEARED to be better than it was, but then reality is all about personal perception.

Eeeee it was a goodun! Dragons and Rings, sacred geometry - ley lines, pythagorus, stone circles and a guy in a velvet coat (bonus).

SO now all you rational boys will be sucking your breath in through your teeth really sharply, but just hang on!! Bear in mind that Maxwell's 4 equations were actually 20 and the other 16 were slung out by the then rather blinkered establishment with vested interests to protect. Had they not, then our own definitions of the physical world and accepted scientific understanding would be very different.... and us wierdies would receive the acclaim and respect we deserve.

The sun is at the root of all major religious belief, whether the sun, or the son, L, El or Bel, ( a feminine derivative in language terms). Think about it! We all live in a matrix of energy - some just vibrates slower than others and forms solid touchable stuff. We also only define reality depending on our dimensional perception. The two dimensional world cannot perceive height or depth, yet it exists!

We had so much fun bending our minds around the concept of time, multidimensional physics and the way that experience, perception, intent and expectation creates reality. In fact I felt rather smug - waccy baccy quantum physics it may be - however we wiccans know the reality of it all. Science and controlled double blind trials only seek to keep us safe in our contained and sterile understanding of our dimension in time and space.

There is other stuff out there, not weird strange stuff but stuff that is as real in the science of that dimensional understanding as our E=mc2.

So, think large - allow your minds to expand out into infinite possibilities. I think therefore I am... what I think defines who I am. Think Free!

How do you all find the time to blog?

I feel such an unworthy blogger. I never seem to get the time to do it properly. I have so many posts just sitting, unwritten in my head ... so many ideas, so many witty insights (I hope), earnest outpourings - so little time.

I promised that my next post would be 'What it means to be a witch' I have made the notes, have my draft but now want to explore the overlaps and similarities between being a psychotherapist and a witch. It involves some of the same concepts, certainly the same 'territory' of the psyche. Changing reality through conscious thought processes, trance and deep self (C0 ego state) are much the same. Its developing into more of a thesis than a blog. More 'Be Perfect' stuff from me - if its not super duper exceptional then why bother? Maybe I should stick with plan a.

However, my process around the up and coming post is identical to that which I generally do in life. I am sure, my fellow bloggers, you would prefer me to just put something up rather than nothing at all, but that would be too simple for my Passive Aggressive component. If I cannot struggle then, again, whats the point? So I automatically obey the 'don't succeed' injunction by ... well .... by not posting at all, which is why I am sitting here squirming in full confessional mode.

The ideas for posts currently squatting in my head are:- a post on my wonderful Yule tide presies - oh they were wonderful, thank you again to Pixie, Silent Observer and Bobo for you lovely gifts! Another one was on 'Life on Mars' - not a microbiology/astronomical musing but the FABULOUS TV series. I think I got to this one late. Its just so good! Is it me or are 70's fashions super sexy? Having spent at least 3 decades scorning big collars, flares, leather jackets and clumpy shoes I am NOW finding them just the best thing since (70's) sliced bread. I was only 5 when that particular decade began but I love it!

Oh yes, and another post I want to do. Give all of you a Lord of the Rings Race - rather like the Cheese blog (See archive) but designating each of you a Dwarf, Elf, Hobbit like class. Should be fun, there is certainly an Ent amongst you (soooo easy to guess that one), a couple of hobbits, at least three men, two dwarfs, three elves and a wizard or two. See, how it is, all these ideas and no 'completing or finishing'. Tut tut Vixen, tis very scripty.

I shall leave it at that and check out a few of your posts, I will return with more of my musings and the Witchy post which is far too worthy for its own good.

Root and Branch

"Twisty old devil.
Looked as if it held a grudge in every scabby branch, and if you touched it there'd be sharp, pointy bits, like thorns. And it wouldn't give you any fruit, on principle, wassail or no wassail, because, left to rot, apple trees ...
...they grows resentful."

Isn't that just great? It sums up why I like the Pagan slant on things, it gives nature 'teeth', it restores power to living things and revives the sinister - creating a healthy respect for ecosystems. Wicca embraces the Shadow, light is not light without the dark, things have to decay so that life can be reborn. The Seasonal Dance embraces death as well as life, the Crone is as important as the Maiden, the Sage is as potent as the young Hunter.

I like the beauty of the sinister, the hidden creepiness behind nursery rhymes, the dark underbelly of fairy tales. The glorious artwork of Arthur Rackham is a personal favourite and encapsulates what I am talking about, it also brings me back to trees. Rackham's trees are utterly wonderful! As I look out of my living room window at the remnant of Bagott Wood striding across the skyline - stark, brooding and infinitely beautiful, I know that a million memories are stored amongst the roots, bark and branches. Oh how I wish there were Ents in the world! I love trees - one of the reasons paganism appeals - root and branch are part of the culture.

My next post will be, 'What it means to be a Witch!' Kahless requested this some time ago, and I am busy writing notes for you all. Plus there is Bobo's tag about music, (cough cough ... much shuffling embarrassment to come with that one).

Have a lovely evening, and while you are doing so, remember to embrace the shadow, make peace with the dark side, let what you no longer need fall to the forest floor and look forward to sunlight and joy in the new year.

Full Moon Magic

Every full moon I draw my guides and symbols for the month. When the moon is full the tides of intuition and magick flow at their strongest. It is a time for searching the subconscious, bringing that which is known but unseen into conscious awareness.

Last night I stood outside in the crisp Winter air and allowed the silver light of the moon to bathe my skin. She was so bright - no other lights were needed, and living in the countryside as I do, the stars could be seen shining brightly in the dark, dark vault of heaven.

Then I slipped inside, cast a simple circle with a staff and silent salutation to the four quarters; then drew my symbols.

My Goddess for this lunar month is Nut - for those that read me regularly you will know that I see the Goddess as symbolic of the life force of the planet. The power of the atom manifest in nature. To paraphrase the wonderful Starhawk, you don't 'believe' in a rock, it just is; So it is with Goddess energy. Nut appeals to me, her energy is what I need at this present time - with dissertation looming and a full time job on the cards, as well as dealing with complex emotional issues - Nut is Goddess of Mystery.

Reach for me
touch me
I am always beyond your grasp
Don't try to figure me out
for you can't
I am the ever-present unfathomable unknown
I am the immensity of the star-filled sky
I am beyond human comprehension
In the vastness of my being
I am a mystery
even to myself

This is really relevent to me, the beauty and the power of the words have touched me; it could have been written about me - well the bits that do not tap into narcissistic goddess hood! I do feel as if I am a mystery even to myself. Maybe that is why I analyse others - it brings me closer to understanding me.

We all have mystery within us. How fabulous! The mystery of life and the beauty of the universe is what is missing in the depths of depression, and the nightmare of constant anxiety. Mystery always needs to be restored to tread the path to health and fully experience life.

I wish you all a restful and happy Christmas, a serene and successful New Year; most of all I wish you all a great big portion of magical, elusive, exciting and inspiring Mystery.

A Christmas Carol - therapy in action!

Yesterday I did my huge pile of ironing. It had been slowly brooding in the corner of the Snug and I knew that it had to be tackled. I also knew it was a good opportunity to drink Snowballs and watch something super Christmasy.

I had wrapped the last of my presents - there were lots of them, they were all shiny and elegant, beribboned and under the tree, (a glorious solstice pine festooned with baubles and pretty things). So with the last of the preparations taken care of it was time to iron. Now I dont mind ironing - the rhythmic nature of it is soothing, the folding of clothes, the warm comforting sound of the steam. Baby Vix loves it when I iron - she curls up on the sofa and we watch something together.

Yesterday, in order to be suitably festive, we chose A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart. It is utterly wonderful, and I highly recommend it; His one man show is even better so I have been told!

As I watched with all the usual emotion, I was aware of how this was a Script story for me. As a child I loved this tale, as an adult I am always struck by its genius and what a magnificent social commentary it was for its day. I used to read this story every Christmas as a kid - I was always going to wind up as a psychotherapist!!

What a tale of redemption, of change, of hope.

The ghost of Christmas Past deconfuses the Child, clarifies the impasse between Scrooges Be Strong parent driver behaviour and negative script messages inherited from a grief stricken father, dead mother and a host of schoolmasters, and his Child need to feel, to enjoy, to be important and to belong. The Ghost brilliantly enables Scrooge to do his Early Scene pieces.

The Ghost of Christmas Present continues the decontamination work of the Adult ego state, and enables Scrooge to receive good healthy Modelling of how to enjoy and to feel. He opens up the possibility of belonging by offering a reparitive parenting experience and a good healthy dose of reality testing.

The Ghost of Christmas Future confronts Scrooge's discounting (cathexis style for you TA people)he offers a projected outcome and the full horror that entails. He also employs a rather hypnotherapeutic style, taking Scrooge into the future, allowing him to anchor his redecision using negative reinforcement to drive home the necessity of change.

How marvelous it all is. Psycho babble (worthy therapy speak!)aside it is the most fabulous story. Every time Scrooge laughs for the first time following his salvation, the hairs stand up on my arms. I always want to dance around with joy when he embraces life, the season and himself for the first time in many years. I love it when he turns up at his nephews house, and experiences acceptance and reconciliation... and when Bob Cratchett gets his wage rise, well - I usually burst into a spontaneous round of applause.

I am a natural Saviour, not always a bad thing - has to be controlled to give space for others to make their journey in and with their own strength, but oh how I love to facilitate and witness that process, and jump for joy when the beauty of the soul emerges and decides to live!

"It was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!"

Almost Yule

The end of the year - and the beginning of a new one always inspires me to make changes, set goals, do things differently. Its a natural process that most of us go through. Gyms and slimming clubs brace themselves for the January rush, journals get kept religiously, and all sorts of fresh starts burst out of us as we seek to change!

This next year I am going to set a few goals - just a few as opposed to the 30 I set myself last year.

I am going to write my dissertation.
I am going to get a counselling job, as opposed to self employed insecurity.
I am going to acheive an ideal weight of 10 stone 2 lbs.
I am going to become more active spiritually - observe the festivals and moons, preferably in a new group
I am going to maintain and deepen my friendships

That will do for now.

I am also going to write more on my blog - use this space as an online Book of Shadows and share my enthusiasm for wicca,female energy and divinity,celebrating the masculine too!

I have been through a difficult time. Its been a rich learning process. This year I want to sparkle!

Very quick quickie

Pixie's party was fab. I shall put up a proper post tomorrow, yule tide preparations and the growing pile of admin not withstanding.

Recently I have not had the energy or inclination to blog. Tooooo many domestic issues, and the fear that blogs allow free expression of thoughts and feelings that can change, that are a progression to an end point. Unfortunately that process can lead others to draw false conclusions, or become afraid or suspicious or just feel frightened that there is this whole world out there that seems dazzling when in fact its just people writing about the stuff going on in their lives.

So I have been withdrawn, a hermit phase which I am ready to emerge from.

Love you all - in the way that one can love the object of internal projection without external reality checking, although that does not apply to the 1,2,3,4 ... 5,6 that I do know face to face. Love you lot too :o)