After ranting about my therapist and the process of personal therapy, I feel its only fair to tell you that she came up with a pretty spot on observation the other day. Just the 'one' mind you ... and I had to keep dragging her back to feelings as she was very keen to concentrate on the details of the story.
In fact I sometimes suspect she may be using my highly complex life story full of lust, betrayal, romantic intrigue, revenge and evil mothers as a basis for a novel. The eager glee to find out 'whats been happening for you' is disconcerting to say the least. Perhaps the old gal is using it to get her thrills .....mmmmm I shall think further about that one.
Anyway, she told me I was grieving. She is right. It was one of those light bulb moments when the truth hits you like a train.
It explains my sudden bursts of energy followed by lethargic slumps; the loss of my killer boot stomping risk taking sparkle and my bleak outlook at the moment.
So since then I have allowed myself to slide into the pit of despair, and boy is it a long, dark, bottomless pit. I have not set myself impossible tasks, I have wrapped up warm, wept, and done only the things I enjoy or have felt able to do ... oh and chocolate, always good.
Today I feel better. A lot better. Somehow the sun has shone today, and I have found myself thinking of doing a retreat or two this year. I printed off my essays ready for amending and have done a pile of ironing. Trying to put off grieving never works. Now I know I am grieving I can manage it.
So for that I say thank you to my therapist.
8 comments:
There's a novel that sounds like a juicy read. I'm guessing 'the old stick' has got to get her thrills somewhere. Shame it's when you're paying, though.
Get yourself a spunky, funky, juicy therapist. Then you can spend hours and hours just rolling around exploring the erotic transference between you and sharing your erotic fantasies.
{{{{Hugs}}}} to you QV. Glad you are looking after yourself.
Glad you can still enjoy something - that's important. And yes, you're grieving. I would worry if you weren't. It means letting go of something you once thought you would perish without, even if it's only an idea.
I'm really happy to hear your therapist came through. I hope it helps you a lot.
Glad she was able to help you at least once but here's an idea...write the story of your life and sell it to her!
...and thank goodness for those lightbulb moments.
From pre-contemplation to contemplation, and if the path forward isn't an easy one, at least the way has been lit up a little.
I've just been reading this amazing book about depression, written by a woman who has had profound patches of depression. And what she says is that her geting depressed is her souls way of telling her things have to change. And she has to get down to recognise this, as when she's up why would she want to change anything.
Any thoughts in that for you???
Keep going my dearest friend, you have put this pain of for too long.
With lots of love
pxx
Hull: Oh she definately gets a thrill! As for the erotically tuned therapist mmmmm they are all too old and grizzly for such things as a rule; or the ones I have come accross anyway. Exception being my supervisor who is red hot - but gay, and one or two notable trainees lol
Kahless: Thank you and I am caring for myself much more. See new post!
Hedge: Wise words indeed. I wont perish - quite the opposite.
Vi: She did - but she wont be around much longer, she does not work in a style that suits me. I need a relational approach and she is most definately classical.
Dj: I could so write that novel - it would be a best seller. People would not believe it was a true story lol
Trousers: Yes the light bulb. So important on any road out of the darkness.
Pixie: Amen to that one. Oh yes - depression really is the signal to make changes. I do make them but they are very very slow.
Cheers to all of you! I really appreciate all your wonderful words and kind thoughts. Your support is so important to me.
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