I am feeling fat. (This is the time all you male bloggers inwardly groan and sidle off in case I ask you if my bum looks big or something).
I am feeling fat and unattractive and generally horrid and imagining myself hideous to the opposite sex.
I don't like feeling like this.
I can talk to myself about self image, confidence, goddess curves ... all the logical thinking stuff ... till I am blue in the face but it makes no difference to how I feel.
I feel fat and horrid. No man in his right mind would look at me with desire, noooo surreeeee. They would simply say, "hey there's a fat bird" and unless they liked plump pillows of fun then they would turn aways and have a whistle at some leggy blond with a svelte figure - rather like me about 2 years ago.
I like to think of myself as a champion of 'real' women. But there is too much real flesh on my bones at the moment and I don't like it.
I knew things were bad when I could not concentrate on my clients today. All I could think about was being second best. Not good enough, not attractive enough and too fat. Not a good place at all.
Problem is ... no kind of external soothing works at all.
I really really don't want to get on the weight watchers treadmill in spite of lurking suspiciously on their website for at least 15 minutes.
What can cure me? Shifting a good stone? - having someone fancy me? - a week long retreat with right wing lesbians? ... who knows!!
Guess I will just have to emerge from this one myself - embrace Paul Mckenna and get my body moving.
Sorry to rant - I feel a teensy weensy bit better for doing so - I appreciate your indulgence :o)
6 comments:
My guess is that real Goddesses have real fat days. These are days when shapely thighs feel more like ocean going liners and bellies overhang like Italian balconies. I usually blame it on water retention and step away from the pies for a few days. If it continues, I sometimes ask myself what the extra weight might be protecting me from.
Self soothing is less likely to work, if you are a woman of action. Give it fifteen minutes on the treadmill with heavy metal or disco cheese blazing in your ear.
Fat days/weeks/months are bloody vile. And it doesn't matter what anyone else says we know we are fat... end of!
But we also know that when we feel good cause of other things we weigh the same but feel like sex goddessess.
It's just a matter of perspective,and maybe yours is out of kilter right now.
pxx
Yesterday was supposingly the most depressing day of the year. I guess you were feeling it!
It's your body telling itself it's got too many toxins in it. Nothing to do with the goddess that you are! Don't think of it as another bloody diet. Eat healthily. I felt the same when I got back from Oz. Yeah I did put on 10lbs. I got straight back on healthy eating and cut back the booze and cigs, and in a week, I felt so much better about myself. You did well with Slimming world if I remember. Just look back on what you were eating then, to what you are eating now.
Hull: I am eating for emotional reasons. Tis true. I am not really really overweight but I know I feel better and look better when I am slimmer. I have just purchased a cheap and cheerful cross trainer so I did 20 mins on that today and the treadmill will be arriving in about a week. So providing my knees dont pack up I will be getting fit shortly.
Pix: Yes my perspective is shot! I do need to lose some, and get fit and healthy. You know what is going on in my life and why I feel like this. Doesnt help that she who will not be named is doing really really well at slimming world lol
Vi: I do agree. Far too much booze and curry at the moment. I feel sluggish and grey. Too many toxins. Went shopping yesterday and bought loads of fruit, veg and smoothies. Healthy body is the way forward. If the weight comes off as a by product then fantastic.
To echo Vi, yesterday was billed as the most depressing day of the year.
I hope you move on from feeling like this soon enough. I must admit, a break from the booze is helping me in a lot of ways (still on the curry mind you) - nothing's changed as yet about my situation, but I've an inner sense of calmness, just something subtle, which always happens when I stay off the pop.
I would recommend a couple or three booze-free weeks, given what I've just mentioned, but I'm sure you already know what works for you...
I have in fact heard that a week long retreat with right wing lesbians is just the thing for this kind of situation (not strictly true, but it's a nice idea).
Anyway, here's hoping you find that better place, and scuse my rambling :)
Trousers: Your ramblings are always welcome.
So far the booze free zone has produced clarity of thought and much better skin.
I do like the lesbian idea!!! and I would never, ever, ever give up me curry
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