Tuesday, January 22, 2008
After my 'fat day' of yesterday, and all the plummeting self esteem that went with it , I have restored my inner happiness a little bit.
Going out tonight to see Alter Bridge in concert is helping. Nothing like a rock concert to clear out the crap of worry and responsibility. I am looking forward to a bit of free child energy.
I have personal therapy in about an hour. What a bloody waste of time that is! I am going to ask my therapist what our contract is - see if she can remember. Bet she cant! Plus I am not going to past time about what has been happening to me. The story is irrelevant - the feelings are what matter. So I shall simply say I want to change my feelings of low confidence, crushed confidence would be more accurate, and then I am going to shut up. See her earn her money ... if we sit in silence for an hour then so be it, I wont go back!
I feel incredibly let down by the process of personal therapy. I have attempted to own that, work with it with my therapist, be real about my feelings of resentment and hopelessness about the process but its produced nothing. Zip, Zilch ... a big fat zero. I have sat with those feelings of frustration, again ... tried to work with the uncomfortableness of it. However I really may as well burn £45 rather than turn up. I have to get out of there and find someone else.
Ah ... well maybe that's the script lesson .. the little smart arse chorus would say. Well yes maybe it is but its all very well understanding that however I am buggered if I am going to waste anymore hard earned cash feeling frustrated and annoyed.
So there you go, bit of ranting, bit of Rock expectation. At least I can feel a bit of fighting spirit returning.