Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Better Day


After my 'fat day' of yesterday, and all the plummeting self esteem that went with it , I have restored my inner happiness a little bit.

Going out tonight to see Alter Bridge in concert is helping. Nothing like a rock concert to clear out the crap of worry and responsibility. I am looking forward to a bit of free child energy.

I have personal therapy in about an hour. What a bloody waste of time that is! I am going to ask my therapist what our contract is - see if she can remember. Bet she cant! Plus I am not going to past time about what has been happening to me. The story is irrelevant - the feelings are what matter. So I shall simply say I want to change my feelings of low confidence, crushed confidence would be more accurate, and then I am going to shut up. See her earn her money ... if we sit in silence for an hour then so be it, I wont go back!

I feel incredibly let down by the process of personal therapy. I have attempted to own that, work with it with my therapist, be real about my feelings of resentment and hopelessness about the process but its produced nothing. Zip, Zilch ... a big fat zero. I have sat with those feelings of frustration, again ... tried to work with the uncomfortableness of it. However I really may as well burn £45 rather than turn up. I have to get out of there and find someone else.

Ah ... well maybe that's the script lesson .. the little smart arse chorus would say. Well yes maybe it is but its all very well understanding that however I am buggered if I am going to waste anymore hard earned cash feeling frustrated and annoyed.

So there you go, bit of ranting, bit of Rock expectation. At least I can feel a bit of fighting spirit returning.

17 comments:

Graffiti said...

Hi QV,

From what you are saying it sounds like it might be time to look elsewhere. To my mind there is nothing wrong with that especially at 45 pounds per pop.

Take a risk and do something new

Graffiti

Kahless said...

I am with you; therapy is a bloody waste of time sometimes. Better to burn the money on something else.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Gld to hear you are in a better mood. I've never had therapy before, but like any councilling be it for the mind or body, you need to be happy with your counciller.

trousers said...

Rock expectation - what a great phrase. I hope they deliver. I can't really add anything to what you've written about your therapy - nothing helpful anyway - but go with the Rock expectation fully :)

Kahless said...

Oh, btw meant to say earlier thanks for your candor in your post.

Kahless said...

Oh, btw meant to say earlier thanks for your candor in your post.

Hullaballoo said...

Sounds like the concert would be way more therapeutic than the hour spent with your therapist.

Glad you are refreshing your rock chick status QV.

H
xx

Hullaballoo said...

Sounds like the concert would be way more therapeutic than the hour spent with your therapist.

Glad you are refreshing your rock chick status QV.

H
xx

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

QV: If your therapist is so disengaged that he/she can't remember the contract with you, then it is time to set yourself free and either find someone else or find a friend with a big shoulder. I hope you had fun at your concert.

Queen Vixen said...

Graffiti: I am calling a new therapist today. I really do resent spending the cash when I dont feel the therapist even has a treatment plan.

Kahless: I agree. Unfortunately I have to do the therapy. Its part of my training. I have to have 4 years worth of 40 bloody hours a year. Its scandalous. A money spinner. I am really angry about the process. It helps me how to see NOT to do therapy with my clients. I am also of the opinion that a good friend and regular chats down the pub can be as helpful - especially when it comes the the basics of counselling.

Vi: Yes its is important. My therapists have been women of a 'certain age', a 70+ fella who could not remember who I was and a rather indearing hippy. I really need someone a little more dynamic and impressive.

Trousers: The rock music really helped. Great therapy and only £30 for the ticket - much cheaper than therapy.

Hull: Rock chick status was certainly restored. I felt sexy which was a start!

Wakeup: I had a fabulous time at the concert and it did revive me somewhat. I will move on from my therapist. She is a lovely lady but just not on the ball enough for me.

Kahless said...

Hi QV,
Well at least youre seeing how not to do it!! And yes, I can see having a good friend thing. Also blogging in some ways as a way of expression. Would you ever recommend blogging to a client? How would you feel if a client started bringing in their blog posts?

Graffiti said...

Soooo QV,

How did the phone call to the new therapist go?

Graffiti

Queen Vixen said...

Kahless: I have recommended blogging to a client. An on line journal with support as I usually describe it. I also think blogging highlights a lot of 'script' material, and can be a useful bit of group therapy. I would welcome it if my clients brought in their posts - we would go through what was going on for them. So yes - blogging is good. I recommended it to my Dad too, he is a tortured soul and really needs to 'come out'. Blogging would be a good interim step for him.

Graffiti: Hello you ... mmmm shuffle, whistle. I asked my supervisor for his opinion on my chosen new therapist. Just waiting on his response and a confirmation of the fee - I refuse to pay more than I am now. Very passive aggressive, yes, yes I know. I have booked another with my other therapist and there will be one more after that to tie it up properly. It is time to move on. If the endearing hippy was actually UKCP registered I would go back to him but he isnt so we cant have trainees exercising any choice now can we ... dont get me started! lol

Kahless said...

I also think blogging highlights a lot of 'script' material

Bloody hell! I had better be more careful with what I write! :-)

Graffiti said...

QV

" there will be one more after that to tie it up properly."


Is this a thing you Brits do with therapists?

In OZ many clients you just would never hear from again. My clients don't owe me anything

Graffiti

Kahless said...

(Excuse me for jumping in here QV)

Graffiti,
I think more of a Brit therapist thing rather than a Brit client thing. Or interestingly maybe a particular training school thing?

That is an assumption QV but I know where you live (remember your email mix up!) and I know where my ex-therapist trained (from his card) so it could be a Manchester money-spinner thing?

Qv, may i ask, did you have to make a promise to come back for one more session after quitting like I did?

Anyway, couldn't resist jumping in after I saw Graffiti's comment. I'll butt out now!

Queen Vixen said...

Hey Guys - I hadnt realised you had left more comments. So sorry for not noticing - OK here are the replies

Well it seems to be something that happens over here in the TA community. I resent it. Its like you are not mature if you dont come back and deal with it. I get really angry. I walked out of supervision and decided not to go back to a particular group - it was about distance and not being able to get there. Oh my goodness, I was hung drawn and quartered for not processing properly. (Process my arse!) I did not go back.

I never invite my clients to 'come back'. I have very few unplanned endings but when they do happen - so be it, unless its a cry for help or an anti-social adaptation.

Customer service is sadly lacking in the therepuetic community (in my opinion) I run my private practice putting the customer first at all times. I enjoy my NHS work far more as people are getting a 'service' they are not paying £xx for each session and there are not prolonged courses of treatment.