Samhain is a coming

After the most torrid and shitty weekend I am feeling a bit more bouncy today. Bouncy is good! I have to go out in about ten minutes to do my last evenings work at the Day Spa I 'used' to work at. My new NHS contract meant it was no longer viable. As I sit here now I really wish I had been a bit more ruthless with my notice period. Hard day at the surgery does not make for the freshest of minds, especially with an hours drive there and back, but never the less it has to be done.

Thought I would leave you all a quick post before I go because it is Samhain on Wednesday. As part of my build up to the big day I have been burning a particularly lovely incense from Star Child and thought I would share the write up with you, to give you all a flavour of what is happening at this point in the turning year ...

The leaves are falling and the life force is in obvious retreat. Nature is preparing for its winter sleep. The Sun God is dead and the Earth Goddess is mourning. But in the hidden depth of the earth, death works its alchemy of transformation. Imperceptibly it decomposes and regenerates so that the litter of leaves and debris become the fertile ground that will nourish next year's growth. The veils between the worlds are thin at this time of the year and life and death are but opposite poles of the same continuously regenerating energy.

Samhain is a time to honour the dead and to contemplate the mysteries of life, death and regeneration. It is a time to turn inwards and in the depth and silence of our souls we confront our shadows and our own mortality.

So there you have it, couldn't have put it better myself (well a bit of that is actually me). In alchemical terms it is a festival of water and earth. Psychic powers, imagination, emotion, wisdom and love blend with practicality, sensuality, prosperity and the material world.

Any divination done on the night will be especially powerful, so get the tools of your choice out and see what the year ahead holds.

I will be spending Samhain out with Pixie, and will be holding my own celebration the following day. My witchletts are not able to meet merrily on the night but we will make up for it at Yule.

Blessed Be!

Horrid Feelings

I am having a painful feelings day today. Its ironic that I work with intense emotion every day in my job; I soothe, help, witness, account for and accept feelings that my clients experience, yet when it comes to my own I honestly believe that I can put them in nice neat little boxes and move on as if nothing has happened.

I learned to put my feelings away when I moved house at 8 years old and left all my friends behind. I was not allowed to cry because then Dad would feel bad about moving the family from relative security to a ramshackle old dump of a place with no toilet. When I got bullied at my new school I was not allowed to even admit it because Dad would feel bad ....etc etc So I really did get very strong and self contained.

When I got to 14 and defied my mother in my choice of 'boyfriend' I was subjected to 6 years of intense emotional and physical cruelty. I could not cry, I just got on with life. It really was terrible to be placed outside the normal activities of my family and be punished everyday, often physically attacked, without being able to leave. I got very very strong and self contained. I was resigned to it all - and fiercely defiant.

When my life unravelled mid thirties I went for every medical test known to man. 'I must have a brain tumour, or a degenerative neurological disorder, I must be ill'. I never 'felt' anything I just could not function. It was only when I was diagnosed with chronic depression that I started to account for it all. Yet I am not really sure that I am comfortable with my own feelings, even now.

I run from it. I run constantly - I am the worlds best at partying in order to hide the pain. I don't do it deliberately its just that I survived by doing this and it is my default setting.

So now when I begin to feel - it always hits me like a train. What?!! What the hell is this that's going on - why isn't this in my nice little storage system. So today, I am sitting with my feelings and its shit! I WILL feel better tomorrow. In the mean time its an education.

Back on the Running Machine

I woke up full of the joys this morning. Feel rather jaded this evening after clients and supervision - especially as I wrestled with my 7.30 till she got to the emotion she had been suppressing for absolutely ages. Phew! I felt like a midwife. Lots of pain and struggle, but such a relief when it was over.

I had breaky by candle light. Porridge with chopped banana - and in between clients I got back to my running. Having been a poorly Queenie, the running has taken a back seat. Oh it was sooooo good. To feel my muscles working hard, to sweat - to feel the cold air on my skin. I am really beginning to appreciate my body. (I tend to live in my head). I cant wait to get back in there, in the garage - yes, I run amongst the collection of weelie bins, yes I am in between the garden furniture and the lawnmower, and yes it can be bloody cold in the Winter - but when Metallica is blasting out of the (rather cleverly rigged up) DVD and big screen, and my feet are pounding the rubber - I am really in the moment, alive and vital!

The pleasures of the body seems to be such a new discovery for me (apart from the obvious ;o) and I am booked in on a body therapy marathon in November too; a bit of a theme. Maybe it has something to do with Earth energy about to arrive. Time to enjoy the sensuous pleasures we all have at our finger tips .... literally!

Nice to Know

You Are the Ego

You take a balanced approach to your life. You definitely aren't afraid to act out on your desires - even crazy ones. But you usually think first. Morals drive you as much as hedonism does. You've been able to live a life of pleasure... without living a life of excess.

Are You Id, Ego, or Superego?

Life really is too short for misery ...

I have been feeling pretty bad lately. Felt really bad over the weekend, that horrid depressed bad where everything is just too much of an effort. I have been adapting heavily lately too - lost myself somewhere and have been whirling round in confusion.

Last night I had a dream. Two dreams. One was set in a very snowy landscape, all dark ice and about 5 minutes survival time if you stepped out of the insulated pods we humans were using to navigate the ice. There were monsters on the ice. Savage machine like beasts that sought to extinguish all life and heat. My pod had malfunctioned and another had gone over in some kind of accident. Me and the driver of the other were only feet away from each other, we stared out of our portholes transfixed with terror and we both knew that a monster was coming. I was terrified. Suddenly there it was - all machine and robotic logic, huge pincer claws and blades. It went for the other pod. The ferocity of the attack meant that my pod skidded across the ice and into safety behind the security fence. I watched with relief and horror as my colleague was torn apart.

The second was indoors, still on the ice but in safety and warmth. I was in a room with Stephen Fry. I was trying to get a pair of tights off (grizzly things I know but the only choice with a mini skirt) and they were all twisted up with my knickers. I was expending a lot of energy trying to be discreet. In the end I asked Stephen to avert his gaze. He looked me in the eye and said, "My dear - if you were stark naked I still would not be bothered one jot. Get your bloody knickers sorted and stop worrying about me." I whipped them off - not a care in the world - sorted myself out and then we both had a cup of tea.

When I woke up I realised that it was time to stop being depressed, stop being low and sad. It was time to re engage with my personality. To start to smile and laugh and have fun. It was time to shake my booty - live and love! Its so easy to get bogged down with misery, to be so stuck in bad things; the negatives and when we do we can lose sight of the wonder of life. To be able to breathe, to taste, to feel the air on our faces. To dance - and I have danced tonight and it felt wonderful. I am always encouraging my clients, my family, my friends and all those fabulous people that are close to me that JOY is so important! Time to be joyful myself. We all are alive, sentient, sensuous, incredible - capable of so much. Lets celebrate!

And ....Relax

Well thanks to Kahless I think the little security breach is sorted. Phew! I can breathe easy again - although I am aware you all know where I live now and that I can look smart and professional as opposed to slightly mad with an eclectic dress sense.

I am having a chill today - went out to the new Westfield shopping centre in Derby today. It was fab! I am not one for shopping but the scale and energy of the place was super. With Christmas coming up - I can see a few days being pencilled in for shopping and wandering and sampling the variety of foods in the food hall.

Still not dieting and managing to losing weight! Wish I had worked out sooner that an almond croissant for breakfast is absolutely fine as long as its every so often and does not require a three week deprivation regime to make up for it. The little brown shoes will be mine in a week I reckon and I will post a pick of them to amuse you.

They Lost!

Just watched the rugby. We was robbed! What amused me the most was how Gordon Brown was recieved by the England team. Short shrift or what? hehehe I have a deep mistrust of politicians. Manipulating weasels most of them. What a photo opportunity eh?

Good grief - old 'no bottle' Gorden almost fell at Wilkinsons feet, Jonny was having none of it - this was not about spin, but about sport. Is everyone as jaded and cynical as I am about politicians? Well done Wilko for avoiding the attempted conversion by old 'have I got a back bone' Brown.

Anyway - enough of politics! I seem to have a security issue on my blog. Are all of you good people getting my email address when you leave comments? Of course you can then google me - and there I will be, identity - what I look like (although you already recognise the bag lady) but more importantly my telephone number, address etc I have nothing to hide but part of the blog is about having an alter ego. Seems like mine just got shattered. No worries eh? I am happy to be me - warts and all.

Feeling Tired

Hi Guys

Thought I would check in and say hello. I know I have been awfully quiet but I had my busiest week to date this week. Being self employed means that I take work where I can and this week I was fully booked. Had to put three clients on hold till next week. That means that my blogging has been a bit scanty - maybe if I post a small one everyday I will get back into the swing of things.

I have so much I really do want to blog about. Got all my weirdy news to tell you about, quotes from Pagan Dawn and insights into being a Witchy Woman. Samhain is coming up (Halloween) and I want to do it in style this year. Last year I had my naming ceremony and initiation into the witchletts coven. That was lovely but this year my witchletts are not doing anything - one is in America and the other cant get a sitter, so I am a bit stuck. I will end up doing a solitary ritual I expect and waiting to pounce on any trick or treaters in full regalia - tends to scare them somewhat.

I want to write a few more little quickies full of wit and insight (ho ho ho - not that I take myself seriously at all) and just generally get back into stuff. Plus I have the meme about music - Bobo has tagged me to write about my musical taste. In starting the think about it I realise with horror that I AM STUCK IN A TIME WARP! Its going to be humiliating.

Its the rugby tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it! Going to cook a creamy chicken curry - marinated with almonds and cream, and have the bubbly chilling. Even if they lose we can toast the exceptional performance.

I so need a party!

I passed!!!!!

I passed my exam on Saturday. Not with the flying colours I had hoped for, but I did get 90% which isn't bad. (Not that there is any 'Be Perfect' behaviour going on, oh no no no). But I do tend to focus on the 10% that I dropped as opposed to the 90% I gained.

So to rectify that I am going to celebrate - I passed, I got 90%, I did really well - I took a complex piece of work to exam; No easy peasy counselling skills for me. it was tough, deep and intuitive work and I was bloody brilliant. Pats on my back - champagne all round.

I am now - Queen Vixen Dip Couns with a BACP Accreditation pending. Woo hoo!!!!!

In 18 months I will be Queen Vixen MSc, CTA, Dip Couns and UKCP Accredited.

(Not that there is any hint of an Almost Type II Script in that little statement - oh no no no).

I am so guilty of striving for the next mountain peak so I am going to stop here for a while - on the summit of my Post Graduate Clinical Diploma and breathe in the air of success.

Well done me!

I am the High Priestess

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.