Friday, May 02, 2008
Every one is getting better ...
I am always amazed and entranced by how the universe works - how expectation affects what happens; how the flow of events creates evolution and change.
Last year I was inundated with private psychotherapy clients - I could hardly afford to fit in my NHS work. Then I took out a bold and expensive advert in Yellow Pages which I was assured would boost my business even more. There was a move from the psychoanalysis into the counselling section (statistically more enquiries), plus a carefully crafted advert guaranteed to bring in the clients.
At the same time I was offered more hours in the NHS and I began to attach to my work there, to the people (ex-mining community struggling to come to terms with the disappearance of their heritage)- my focus subtly changed. Suddenly I wanted the paid job more than the vagaries of being self employed. I relished the diversity of clients, people from all backgrounds - I found managing waiting lists and dealing with issues of accessibility challenging and rewarding. I loved the earthy nature of the community which was embracing me.
My Yellow Pages add has been a disaster. One enquiry only. My private business has reduced to no more than £175 a week. My NHS work now pays the bills.
I find myself in a position where I am on the threshold of having a full time job that is well paid and secure. My only concern has been for my remaining private clients. I still need time for them. Yet this week 6 of my remaining 10 have bounced in to my therapy room having integrated the changes we have been working on together - the changes are holding and they are better! Slowly but surely these wonderful people are leaving me and growing, moving forward into a brighter adulthood. They no longer need me to hold them but are embracing a future with the resources to cope for themselves. It is both sad and wonderful, humbling ... bitter sweet.
So here I am feeling truly grateful for how this incredible unfolding that we call life works. Grateful for the mechanics of experience. The path is almost clear for me to emerge from this phase and into the next.
Of course I am aware that I may not get the full time post - if so then I believe that I will flow into the next stage anyway, the place I am meant to be. You may call it faith ... so what if it is. Faith can and does move mountains.
I love my job.
I love working with people; the respect and the intimacy. I love being a midwife for rebirth.
Have a great bank holiday. Breathe and enjoy.