Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I cant seem to relax

I have a week off.

Usually I am racing around. Full time job, two post graduate courses to study for, London 2 days a week, social life off the scale, family etc You would have thought that a week off would be a 'good' thing. Yeh, you would have thought!

I am finding it so difficult to relax that I am actually miserable. All I can think of is getting back to work, re engaging with my course, doing all the things that will get our Service IAPT compliant. I am waking up at normal work time with my brain alive with all of this ... part of me is screaming "will you bloody well relax!" Some of my doomsday parent introjects are prophesying worst case scenario with heart attacks and physical collapse but try as I might I don't like standing still.

I feel morose when there is nothing to attend to. I can relax - for short periods of time. I love taking long, luxurious baths - I enjoy good food, wine and meals out. I listen to music, I go out with friends, I dedicate a good chunk of time to my spiritual and meditative pursuits. So I know there is nothing wrong with my ability to relax - what scares me is that I cant seem to relax for any length of time.

Last night I had nothing to do ... there was a bottle of wine, there were plenty of dvd's of my favourite programmes to watch, there was a comfy sofa ... I felt horrified; seriously agitated and not OK - depressed you could say. Life seemed meaningless and bleak, there was no purpose, no point to it all.

I don't like feeling like that and I know I can re frame this successfully and get back to feeling OK. Pleasure and achievement - the two vital components of behaviour, achievement is well sorted. Maybe I am defining relaxation by what other people think it is. Maybe I just need to play hard too!

Any suggestions welcome.


Anonymous said...

I suggest meeting up with two close friends on Thursday for a play and a natter. Works every time. Sending hugs xxx

Mei Del said...

hpw about coming down to london tonight and we'll check out the town the next day - visit the darwin exhibition or go to the british museum or anywhere else in london you please and spoil ourselves with a nice lunch?

Fire Byrd said...

Or get your walking boots and take to the hills. Sitting around after the amount of activity you put in is bound to be a drag.

Queen Vixen said...

You are all wonderful.

Hull: I will be seeing you tomorrow. I feel really sad that I am not going to conference.

Mei: That was a great idea! Its a bit late in the week now though but we must do it - be great to have a day out together rather than B&B - as lovely as that is!

Fire: I went out walking today - just got back. You are right too much sitting around, cooped up was bound to be a bad thing

trousers said...

I can identify with some of this. For me I think part of the problem is having a week off - as in, only a week off. Yes you can relax in some ways during that time but I find that work isn't that far behind you (as in, a few days), nor is it that far ahead of you either (likewise).

Now I've just had two weeks off - the first of which was because I was unwell - and it took that amount of time for sleep to click into a non-working phase, and also for work to seem genuinely distant and not an everyday concern.

The other thing I've learned - in tune with all the fine suggestions above - is that it's always good to plan a few things activity-wise, so that when you do have days with nothing much going on, it can feel like proper downtime (as opposed to time feeling down).


The Domestic Triffid said...

Binaural beats. You probably know more about them than I do :) They work really well for me to turn off my racing mind.

If you have an iPhone or iPod there's a wonderful app called Ambiscience 100 Beats & Tones (no, I am not affiliated :)) - its the browny-orangy one. You can set your own background music, or sounds and then run either isochronic tones, or binaural beats, or both over the top. I find running the Schumann frequency for 20mins chills me every time :)