Such a mix

I have 5 minutes before QI so I will be quick. My week of admin is grinding to a halt - it has been an at the coal face sort of a week - the sort of a week I run a mile from. All practicality and jobs that HAVE to be done. I like to inhabit a twilight world of vaguely clever fantasy ordinarily but this week the bills, the course requirements, the job criteria and hell! the parking fines all intervened and squatted in a bit ugly pile on my version of reality.

Just looking down my list of things still to do,

Update my logs
CRB check (buggered up the first attempt)
Write Section C - too much admin cluttered my ability to create
Prepare for my group Tuesday
Join BACP - still too daunting, the 70 page long form is hiding under the bed waiting to terrorise me in the long, dark night.
Send off deposit for a wonderful family constellations course.
Pay speeding fine
Blog (well there is one success)
Renew my Pagan Federation membership
Research the Goddess Conference, local music festival and highly dodgy couples workshop
Work out whether to go to Peru next year on a walking challenge.

Still lots to do - and I have left stuff out. At least I know what it is - knowledge is the first part of the sorting process.

Hope to blog tomorrow - in the meantime Steven Fry beckons!

Skint with a week off

Hello all!

Once again I apologise for being sloppy with my blogging. I went away to Glastonbury for the weekend and took leave of my senses in the wierdy shops ... I spent a lot. The Buddhists would have me down for a lot of self grasping behaviour, the wiccans would celebrate the abundance. I am just going to have to stay in for 3 weeks with no trips out, treats or meals with friends in order to make up for my excessive spending spree.

Still, I got some great stuff - lots of books, incense, witchy things and a particularly phallic fire candle in readiness for Solstice in June. Job done!

I am having a week off to catch up on all my admin and paperwork and to write Section C of my dissertation. Unfortunately admin and paperwork is necessary to secure my new job whereas the dissertation can afford to drift by a couple of months. There are a lot of 'chicken and egg' decisions to make at the moment. What comes first? What needs to be done to facilitate the rest - kind of stuff. I am doing my best to stay cheerful but nothing puts me in a foul mood more than an 'epitome of the nanny state, prove you actually exist and are not a two headed Mongolian, anal, crappy, rant provoking' CRB check.

Right I am off to do a bit of shopping in Derby - not personal shopping but birthday shopping for my dear old Mum (all budgeted for) then its back to the CRB check, the Uni application form, the BACP accreditation form (70 bloody pages long - can you believe it? - I cant).

Will catch you later. Hugs xxxx

Rat Race

Just a quickie as I am in the middle of preparation for work tomorrow.

I feel as if I am on a treadmill - trudging along. My optimistic and slightly eccentric outlook on life sometimes deserts me, often due to hormonal reasons or overwork or stuff that's going on but by and large I am able to enjoy things, drink the elixir of life, squeal with pleasure ... you get the picture!

Not so tonight.

I have seen clients back to back throughout the day. The last one did not finish till 5.30, got stuck in traffic which meant I did not get home till 6.45. I have eaten my meagre but healthy dinner and now I am back in my office preparing for work tomorrow!

So, I ask myself, is this it? Is this what life is going to be like for the next umpteen years. Now in my rational moments I know this is not true. There is so much exciting and wonderful stuff going on in my life at the moment I can barely get a full nights sleep due to anticipation. Not so tonight - tonight it seems bleak.

After running off my handouts for my over 35's group (all relationship stuff) and catching up on my screening intakes, and a letter to an errant patient I have to boldly go into the kitchen to prepare for tomorrows lunch.

Tomorrow the alarm will go off at 7am - up for a run, shower, breakfast, drive to work, work, eat prepared lunch, more work, drive home, eat meagre dinner, prepare for presentation the following day, back into kitchen to prepare tomorrows lunch ... and so on.

Oh grizzly.

I need my fairy goggles so it can all seem magical again.

Funny what too much progesterone can do for one. Sigh!

Wow I can post again.

I have not been able to post. No matter how hard I tried. No matter how much positive thinking was employed. My dashboard would not work.

I considered uninstalling Norton antivirus - I appealed to the all knowing Bobo for advice - but thankfully Blogger have sorted it.

Normal service has been resumed.

Got loads to say but have just drank a bottle of cider and a bottle of wine so its a bloody wonder I am managing to write anything.

Must tell you about my moot ... and about the Age of Horus ... and about shamanism in general. I met a real live shaman this week, someone who had been to the edge of death and seen stuff ... moot chieftan to boot. See I have loads to say but just to pissed to say it.

Love ya all!

Every one is getting better ...

I am always amazed and entranced by how the universe works - how expectation affects what happens; how the flow of events creates evolution and change.

Last year I was inundated with private psychotherapy clients - I could hardly afford to fit in my NHS work. Then I took out a bold and expensive advert in Yellow Pages which I was assured would boost my business even more. There was a move from the psychoanalysis into the counselling section (statistically more enquiries), plus a carefully crafted advert guaranteed to bring in the clients.

At the same time I was offered more hours in the NHS and I began to attach to my work there, to the people (ex-mining community struggling to come to terms with the disappearance of their heritage)- my focus subtly changed. Suddenly I wanted the paid job more than the vagaries of being self employed. I relished the diversity of clients, people from all backgrounds - I found managing waiting lists and dealing with issues of accessibility challenging and rewarding. I loved the earthy nature of the community which was embracing me.

Hey Presto!

My Yellow Pages add has been a disaster. One enquiry only. My private business has reduced to no more than £175 a week. My NHS work now pays the bills.

I find myself in a position where I am on the threshold of having a full time job that is well paid and secure. My only concern has been for my remaining private clients. I still need time for them. Yet this week 6 of my remaining 10 have bounced in to my therapy room having integrated the changes we have been working on together - the changes are holding and they are better! Slowly but surely these wonderful people are leaving me and growing, moving forward into a brighter adulthood. They no longer need me to hold them but are embracing a future with the resources to cope for themselves. It is both sad and wonderful, humbling ... bitter sweet.

So here I am feeling truly grateful for how this incredible unfolding that we call life works. Grateful for the mechanics of experience. The path is almost clear for me to emerge from this phase and into the next.

Of course I am aware that I may not get the full time post - if so then I believe that I will flow into the next stage anyway, the place I am meant to be. You may call it faith ... so what if it is. Faith can and does move mountains.

I love my job.

I love working with people; the respect and the intimacy. I love being a midwife for rebirth.

Have a great bank holiday. Breathe and enjoy.