Saturday, April 12, 2008
Tidy Room - Tidy Mind - Big insight
I always know when I am feeling OK - a sense of inner peace and serenity pervading - when I get the urge to tidy.
I have been told I am a messy person - well yes I can be.
I have been accused of just leaving stuff around - well again, yes this is true.
However I am not an inherently messy person because I do love to tidy and organise.
In order to do this it has to get into a mess first! That is my undeniable logic.
There is a good reason why I develop a 'wall of shame' in my bedroom, or allow the bathroom shelf to get cluttered or let my jewelery fall into a state of shambolic disrepair. Its so I can tidy it up, and look at all the floor space, tidy pots of body stuff and sparkly bracelets and feel a sense of immense satisfaction!
I have had a blissful afternoon tidying. Tidying myself first and foremost by sorting out my exfoliants, my bath bubbles, melts and fizzing bath ballistics, organising the bathroom shelf into nail things, face creams, body lotions and the terribly satisfying shower shelf, shampoos in one bit, moisturisers in another - you get the picture.
Sorted out my reading material - my tottering pile of bedside books is now only 6 volumes high. My eclectic collection of esoteric symbolic jewelery is all sorted according to colour, wood, metal etc. Giving my Obsessive Compulsive part a run out has done me a power of good.
Eeee by gum its been grand!!!
As part of my inner journey through the medium of a tidying frenzy - I became aware of a script story I carry as part of my inner programme. Snow White. It hit me like a bolt of lightening; bring on all the rabbits and squirrels, the deer can help too - lets just get everything spick and span. In fact I am convinced that Snow White is more of a script story than Sleeping Beauty (the one I always thought it was) Snow White fits the bill a lot more - scarily so.
My Mum was a lovely Mum until I got to 14 - when I began to grow up and become a threat to her. My mother is a striking woman, jet black hair, emerald eyes, a sort of mediteranian look about her, shapely and tall - she always had an entourage of men in tow. I was born when she was 20 so she was also young.
Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all ...
My mother turned against me once I developed my own charms. Blonde hair, saphire blue eyes, a scandanavian look about me - shapely and tall. So when the men began to notice me she treated me in the most savage and brutal way. I endured 6 years of emotional and physical abuse from her until I finally left by the only means I knew how. I got married at 20 years old.
Then followed years of housework. Cooking, cleaning - caring for my man and my family. I was the perfect little Snow White, however as my lack of fullfillment began to grow like a tumour in my 'perfect' life so I began to entertain ideas of dying. The glass coffin was strangely seductive, I imagined I was ill - that it was terminal, I may as well have been dead as there was little joy in my life and the future seemed like a bleak and grey nothingness.
Thankfully I rejected the poisened apple my mother offered me; a life lived in unhappiness and I got myself out of the fairy tale.
Funny how tidying can lead to such musings - thought I would share it with you as I feel humbled by the knowledge. Our beliefs systems shape our lifes. Mine changed, I am so so grateful that it did.