Rant

OK - deep breath, lock, load.

What the f**k are those stupid, idiotic illuminated road signs about - the ones that say 'slow down' and flash into life when you are doing one or two miles over the speed limit.

Please stand up if you were the idiot that invented them, or that thought it was a great idea to have them on our roads emphasising the idea the 'we cannot think for ourselves, make decisions or be trusted to act in a safe and responsible manner'.

Please also stand up if you are one of the compliant sheep that actually slow down. Shame on you! However, you are not alone! Sadly no.

There are two of these 'offenses against the thinking capacity of the autonomous adult driver' stationed not a mile from my door. I regularly pass them, one helpfully advises us all (says she with an ironic sneer) to 'Slow Down' the other flashes up '30' in the biggest, boldest, raucously outrageous characters. I am surprised the powers that be did not go the whole hog and start up with an air raid siren every time an errant driver passed such signs. Maybe even alert the closest orbiting satellite to nuke the offending vehicle out of existence.

I am weary with all of this nannying - the tut tuts and finger wagging disapproval of the 'Big Brother' state. I personally stand and salute every time I hear of a brave brother in arms who burns down a speed camera after being zapped for the third time, or who sticks up a big fat middle finger to a cctv camera before ripping it from its self important perch. I am a decent law abiding citizen yet I feel terrorised and persecuted for simply using the roads.

Where has free will gone - and no I am not advocating maniacal driving, speeding or anti-social behaviour - but the freedom to exercise choice. Where is the right for an individual to determine their own behaviour within the basic boundaries of the law? I tell you - it doesn’t exist. It’s gone! Eradicated in a world where 'the three little pigs' are considered an offense to religious sensibilities and people can sue your arse if you defend your own home from attack. Cotton wool and bureaucracy gone mad. Before long we will need an nvq and written permission from the counsel to wipe our own arses!

I for one speed up deliberately when passing a sensor triggered road sign, I sound my horn if anyone in front of me pays it any attention whatsoever and I elevate a finger as I fly past. My personal protest against the criminalisation of the motorist and a world gone half mad with fear of litigation, and rampant loony views of the terminally nitpicky 'jobsworth' conforming, controlling ranks of the anally retentive.