Friday, February 15, 2008


OK - deep breath, lock, load.

What the f**k are those stupid, idiotic illuminated road signs about - the ones that say 'slow down' and flash into life when you are doing one or two miles over the speed limit.

Please stand up if you were the idiot that invented them, or that thought it was a great idea to have them on our roads emphasising the idea the 'we cannot think for ourselves, make decisions or be trusted to act in a safe and responsible manner'.

Please also stand up if you are one of the compliant sheep that actually slow down. Shame on you! However, you are not alone! Sadly no.

There are two of these 'offenses against the thinking capacity of the autonomous adult driver' stationed not a mile from my door. I regularly pass them, one helpfully advises us all (says she with an ironic sneer) to 'Slow Down' the other flashes up '30' in the biggest, boldest, raucously outrageous characters. I am surprised the powers that be did not go the whole hog and start up with an air raid siren every time an errant driver passed such signs. Maybe even alert the closest orbiting satellite to nuke the offending vehicle out of existence.

I am weary with all of this nannying - the tut tuts and finger wagging disapproval of the 'Big Brother' state. I personally stand and salute every time I hear of a brave brother in arms who burns down a speed camera after being zapped for the third time, or who sticks up a big fat middle finger to a cctv camera before ripping it from its self important perch. I am a decent law abiding citizen yet I feel terrorised and persecuted for simply using the roads.

Where has free will gone - and no I am not advocating maniacal driving, speeding or anti-social behaviour - but the freedom to exercise choice. Where is the right for an individual to determine their own behaviour within the basic boundaries of the law? I tell you - it doesn’t exist. It’s gone! Eradicated in a world where 'the three little pigs' are considered an offense to religious sensibilities and people can sue your arse if you defend your own home from attack. Cotton wool and bureaucracy gone mad. Before long we will need an nvq and written permission from the counsel to wipe our own arses!

I for one speed up deliberately when passing a sensor triggered road sign, I sound my horn if anyone in front of me pays it any attention whatsoever and I elevate a finger as I fly past. My personal protest against the criminalisation of the motorist and a world gone half mad with fear of litigation, and rampant loony views of the terminally nitpicky 'jobsworth' conforming, controlling ranks of the anally retentive.


trousers said...

You mean, you can still wipe your arse without permission? Lucky you...

A good rant. Just as one sign of a good curry is that you have to blow your nose (I realise I may be speaking only for myself here), then I felt my heart rate rising and I started to seethe by the time I got to the end of this.

I've actually had one of these "SlowDown" signs flash at me when I've been going downhill on my bike. Now that's not boasting: I'm sure I was doing nowhere near thirty, it would scare the wits out of me. But neither were there any other vehicles around. It's happened more than once at the same point, so I can only conclude that it's wired to flash at you either at random, or under the speed of thirty.

Queen Vixen said...

Trousers: With you on the curry indicator. Tis true.

So .... the worst fears are confirmed. A cyclist! A cyclist branded and terrorised as a law breaker. Its true then, you dont even need to be breaking the speed limit, you simply have to be using the road.

Well I do hope you can manage a salute as you go past!

Pixie said...

What a pair of criminals you two are. Me I'm very law abiding and drive within the speed limit, well of course except on the Toll road and 115 was by so far personal best!!

Hedgewizard said...

Hmm. I'm ambivalent (but if you quote me on that I will sue) because I also don't like people accelerating out of our village. It must seem like a pointlessly extended 30mph zone; they aren't to know that there's a school bus stop tucked in the bushes on the right, but I still don't like them exercising their rights by driving at 50mph by the time they pass it.

The most effective speed reduction system I've seen is the traffic lights in Puddletown nearby; normally they work like your run-of-the-mill traffic lights, but if you approach them from the dual carriageway at more than 28mph they change to red for just long enough to bring you to a full stop. Given that you know this will happen, you do cut your speed to prevent being stopped, and then you're into the clutter of parked cars in the village centre so you don't speed back up again. I can live with that.

Queen Vixen said...

Pix: With your sporty little number, I am not suprised.

Hedge: Well I would not advocate speeding up into a group of waiting kids. In this instance I would suggest a sign that says - School Bus Stop. Then the driver has been furnished with information and that would be FAR more effective than the sign. Well it would for me.

Traffic lights do sound like a good idea - that is a worthwhile traffic calming measure. The signs I have identified near me are quite literally in the middle of nowhere. No houses, no schools, no bus stops - nothing except the signs. Pointless and aggravating.

Lady in red said...

so can I get this rght then.....

do you not like these signs?


Queen Vixen said...

Lady: I most certainly do not like these signs! - I have added you by the way, sorry it took me so long