Full moon - new guides.

Well...new guides being symbolic representations of the part of the psyche that are relevant to this particular stage of my journey.

Oh shut up Vixen!

Every new moon I light candles, perform a small ritual and pick my guides for the month. As there are no such things as coincidences (in my universe) then I really do pay attention to the symbols that I pick. If we are all plugged into a matrix of energy and thought is the means by which we affect our reality then the reflection in the cards can be very helpful.

This moon is a biggie for me. I have my interview for THE job on Wednesday, my son goes off to university and I have second installment of CBT training in Oxford. Plus lots of other events. So the guides for this month are particularly important.

My Goddess was Lady of Beasts - Relationship

I desire union
in ways comfortable and appropriate
I open to the dance with another
knowing that it will take me
to all the places I fear
some of the places I love
many of the places that need healing.
I listen with the ears of my heart
and communicate from a place of self-knowing
I consciously give myself away
and know how to take myself back
I see myself reflected
so perfectly in the other
that I begin my most important journey
to seek out and claim
more of who I am
Goddess Oracle Amy Sophia Marashinsky

My animal guide is CAT - guardianship, detachment and sensuality.

Cat unites the spirit world with highly developed sensuality. Thats me all over! I do not believe that spirituality has to be divorced from sensuality and the pleasures of the body. In fact the most incredible spiritual experiences can be based and expressed through sensuality. This is true in my life.

My plant guide is YARROW - fidelity, masculinity and virility

Yarrow is sacred to the Horned one - the epitome of masculine strenth. Strongly sexual. It also points to a powerful, virile figure that may become more important to me ... eeeh I am in for a good month!

As I am going for my interview I need to draw together the lessons of the random. Lady of the Beasts shows me I must focus on the relationships I have already built, my team at work love me - we work well. Cat teaches me that my physical presence is as important as any theory and Yarrow invites me to take what is mine. Be The Lord - the masculine force. Do not be afraid to show my potency.

So there you are. I have had fun - hope my sharing will have piqued your interest a little.

Full moon is a magical time. Enjoy!

Pub or Church?

What would you do if you had 15 minutes to live?

I have just this minute meandered into my living room to find my son watching The Simpsons movie. I am fond of the Simpsons and managed to catch a 2 minute clip which was rather profound.

As the 'Dome'(if you are not familiar with the film I apologise)descends upon Springfield the congregation of the church rush out onto the street, at the same as the patrons of Mo's bar. Then they swap. Church goers stampeding into the bar to sample some of what they have been missing, and the drinkers rushing into the church to make peace with their maker.

We always want what we haven't had.

I was bought up in a a STRICT (did I emphasise that enough) Christian household where worldly pleasures were frowned on and Shloer was dished up with Sunday lunch in most 'Delph' households. No wine, oh no no no. I now have a hunger for all that is forbidden eg socialising with 'the world', having sex outside of marriage, paganism, studying psychological matters (work of the devil) and general 'wild, free child' experiences.

The reverse is true - the few adult converts that I have known have usually had many years of riotous living in true prodigal son style (drink, drugs, prostitutes etc) and seek to find peace within a religious community, away from the sins of the streets (so to speak).

Perhaps that is just how it is. I know I had to do my unfinished business to find happiness. Unfinished business being the opposite of my originally enforced value system. The shadow has to be experienced and embraced (and bloody well enjoyed)to find contentment.

So what about the last 15 minutes?

What would you do? Pub or Church?

I think I would opt for either deep trance (if I was alone) or complete union with a partner (if I wasn't).

Either way I would want to feel at peace, at one, merged with the universe. No anxiety. No regret. Just there in the moment.

Back from Oxford

I went to Oxford on a CBT course. It was good. I have been roundly rubbishing CBT for a while (basically because I am scared the government in its infinite wisdom will banish all other forms of therapy) and now I am going to stop rubbishing it. Its good stuff. All the other skills I have learnt are fabulous and I wouldn't swap them but CBT is really logical and scientific, and has the added bonus of not analysing the reasons behind offering to make a cup of tea (for example!)

I am a bit of a science chick (Star Trek's Mr Spock being my earliest role model) and so it fits with me. Cut the waffling, cut the endless navel gazing - lets look at how we all maintain our problems by our own thinking/behaviour. Shit happens but its how WE perpetuate that shit that matters. It is immensely liberating because it enables the individual to take full responsibility for their own lives. Yes there are flaws, its not the whole answer but it does not deserve the bashing it has had recently. My own modality does address here and now problems but the sheer force of the here and now focus in CBT is impressive.

I certainly applied the theory immediately.

I have been terrified of getting lost for a long time. Its a realy problem and I feel terribly anxious when I venture into a new area. My two day course enabled me to identify where that came from - getting lost on the way to school in a new village when I was 8. Being late for afternoon registration and bursting into tears when the teacher shouted at me.

However knowing that does not really help. Its the maintenance cycle that is the problem.

What I do now.

What I do now is constantly check my route, make sure I have someone with me to direct me. Panic if there is the slightest hiccup and make dangerous driving decisions in an attempt to get out of the situation. Hence I re enforce my belief that I always get lost and I am hopeless

.... so instead of lurking in Starbucks until 7pm to drive home (to avoid the traffic)and phone home to be guided through the M40/M42 bit, I just got in my car and headed for home at 5pm. Rush hour in Oxford. Guess what? I got home safely and I did it in under 2 hours. I did not get lost once and I am now full of confidence. I have tested out my outdated beliefs and found them to be wanting. Time to overwrite the files.

Lots more I could say but I am sitting in a soggy bath robe and could really do with going to bed.

Hugs xxx

Village Show

The one thing that is guaranteed to turn a perfectly sunny, clear day into a torrential downpour is a village show!

Our village show was today - this morning I could see all the preparation going on. The stalls being set up, the tents looking splendid in the late summer sun, fairground rides all shiny and enticing. As the start time of 12 noon approached so did the grey clouds, and on the dot the drizzle began to come down in honour of the occasion.

What a shame! Even though the event was a short walk down the road I opted for a Sunday afternoon kip - thanks to the rain. I am ashamed to admit it but I just couldn't be arsed to get all kitted out for wet activity.

What ever happened to Summer?

Is it the time of year?

I feel really down. I usually like to be as upbeat as I can on the blog but I feel really low. It may be the time of year - we are coming up to the Autumn Equinox, a witchy festival as well as an astronomical fact. It is a time of balance, a time of winding down for the darker days and the colder weather. Although I love the Autumn and no one is a big a fan of Winter/ snow/ listening to rain lashing on my window than me - but right now the thought of it SUCKS!

I have a hog roast to attend tonight and in spite of all the weather forecasts promising a bit of warmth and sunshine it is predictably windy and chilly. Again ... it SUCKS! I really don't fancy teetering around on a pair of heels, trying not to sink in to the turf, grasping a glass of chilled (and most probably cheap) wine while I try in vain to find anything that is not pork to eat. Bit hard at a hog roast.

My daughter is also due home at any minute and I am dreading it. She has been away for a week at her boyfriends house. This is a first REAL boyfriend. She has had a string of mild flings of the schoolgirl variety but this young man is 17 and planning to do marine engineering. She has spent her first week with him at his house (chaperoned of course) by the seaside and I am anticipating tears, and moping and general teenage angst. Groan! That is definately going to SUCK!

I am sure I will cheer up after my bath and maybe the cheap wine will help. I always get melancholy at this time of year so its a bit of a ritual really.

I shall sign off and have that bath. Good to be blogging again. Take care.

Little Parcel of Loveliness

Here I am a little more refreshed! I have got something to blog about today. As my long term readers may know, I am a BIG fan of Lush. Lush products are totally heavenly. They are mostly natural (just the odd synthetic ingredient) they are ethically sourced and all the packaging is recycled. Lush also do not use Palm Oil in their products. The demand for Palm Oil is decimating the forests of Indonesia, and leading to whole scale destruction of natural habitats ... and for what? So we in the west can wash our hair/face/body with the latest detergent ridden products! To my knowledge Lush are the only cosmetic company who do not use this in their products. This is why I do not mind paying a little extra for the luxury. I would rather pay £10 for a pot of low environmental impact moisturiser with recyclable packaging (bog standard no frills) than pay less for high impact popular cheapy or more for the indulgent, extravagant and essentially unnecessary expensive products.... OK enough of the rant.

Yesterday I ordered some bath treats, conditioner, moisturiser and soap. I ordered online at www.lush.co.uk and this morning when I woke up there it was on my doorstep. How good is that? I was thrilled. First time I have not trekked into town for my Lush fest - it will be online for me now! The bath ballistics, and bubble bars and other scrummy bits were packed in a recyled carboard box filled with popcorn - a totally biodegradable filler.

I am now looking forward to a soak later on - a clean body and a clear conscience. So readers, I would urge you to check Lush out and bring a little environmentally friendly luxury into your life.

OK - now for the form filling. Had to share that first before I can concentrate on 'patient pathways'. Hugs xxx

Blank - zilch - no ideas!

I have come to write this post and I don't know what to say. That's bad! I have been feeling really good and flying along at my usual fast pace - come to blog and zip. So I will leave it at that and do some surfing. Hope to be far more inspiring tomorrow.

Quick check in

Wanted to spend some time today updating my Blog and writing my thoughts on 'being seen' on the blog too ... as usual I ended up doing my admin, but you were all in my heart. I figured that a small post is better than no post at all.

So here it is.

A very small post.

I have spent most of the day puffing and panting (plus ranting) at all the things I have to do. I will not be able to believe it when I no longer have to prove myself to all and sundry.

Its going to be another year though as I wont hit my dissertation deadline (too much sloppiness in the early stages and a general blase/rebellious attitude). However I have some treats planned for when I do. World of War Craft gets loaded on my computer the minute I finish the poxy thing. I know its the territory of geekdom but I AM a geek, I like Star Trek and Star Gate - what more proof do you need. At Easter when all my exam tapes, transcripts and psychiatric placement are done then I start the prestigious OBOD Druid course. Oooooh cant wait! Its a big incentive.

Right that's enough ... I am off for a curry and a skin full of alcohol. Sod tomorrow!

Hugs xxx

Bank Holiday Weeked

I have been away - well you all know that now, but just before I went I had the best time at Fire Byrd's party. Met one new blogger and was struck by how much I like the blog people that I have come across.

There is this perception that bloggers are strange social outcasts, holed up in their one bedroom flats - the living space strewn with decaying pizzas but its not the case.

I had another great night with Fire Byrd, Lady in Red and the inimitable Trousers plus a new addition - Mae (Road to Nirvana). All are delightful, intelligent human beings with a definite twinkle in their eye! Wonderful - roll on the next party, may even throw one myself.

So whats new?

Not much to report really. I was up for a week in Slaley Hall (very posh hotel in Northumberland). I did precisely nothing all week except read, fiddle about in the spa and had the occasional walk. Oh yes ... and I ate, but only within the confines of my healthy eating plan. I am feeling very very pleased with myself. I actually lost 2 pounds. Woooooooo Hooooooo! and I am absolutely committed to loosing the rest of the stone so I can indulge in some skyclad fun hehehe. Its my big incentive. Got to look good naked.

And moving swiftly on ....

So here I am, well rested and satisfied. The crazy stuff starts again in a days time but I am really going to try to keep up with my blog.

I really do enjoy my blog relationships. They are very real and worth falling asleep over my keyboard for.

Love you all xxx

PS: The Goddess of Beauty is my totem for the month - even more reason to keep on with those salads and vegie meals.

Oh dear - I have been rubbish

Hello, hello fellow bloggers. I have been so so naff lately. So sorry.

I am at a blog party at the moment - and I don't deserve to be (hang your head in shame Vixen) I have not blogged for 4 weeks (Lady in Red tells me so, so it must be true).

I have been so busy. Really, honest ... I have been.

I do love my blog - and need to attend to it. Lovingly cherish it, stroke it till it purrs with satisfaction but instead I have neglected it shamefully.

Well I am here now - Trousers is on his third bottle of wine, Road to Nirvana is so lovely, Lady is telling me to make a new blog ... I like mine although a fresh start does appeal.

Fire Bird is being the most wonderful hostess as usual. I do have to drive at midnight and have just had my final glass of champers. In order to be good .. am I ever good ... I mean really, in my heart?

So there you are. I have so much to say and will share more with you. May have an identity change. See how the mood takes me.

Love you all.