Summer Solstice

I watched the sun rise today. It was wonderful. As I look out at the drizzle and the lack of light now, it is hard to believe that the dawn was clear, bright and dry.

I got up at 4am - made a cup of tea and read a little then ventured outside at about 4.30 and stayed outside until the sun rose above the horizon. The Sun - element of Fire - the powerhouse of life itself. Its energy photons are what sustain us all. The plants convert it into a usable form and then the energy travels up the food chain. Upon death the plants fertilise the next generation through returning the energy to the soil - and over vast ages that energy gets stored in fossil fuels - the blood and bones of the planet. How reckless of man to chop down the very means by which we live and to burn up, plunder and squander the vast store houses of energy that have been laid down for millions of years.

Reckless indeed.

As I sat and watched the roseate glow on the horizon,the light growing ever stronger, I observed a plane fly across the sky. How ironic - man and his greed, his need for more than is needed to live, love and be happy. There was the epitome of wastefulness; burning fuel and belching out fumes just at the moment the source of life was rising on the longest day in our Northern hemisphere - smiling down on our beautiful, fragile planet.

The birdsong was joyful and plaintive - do you know that rooks caw three times in a row. I didn't until I sat and observed. My cats were thrilled to have me outside so early - they frolicked on the grass and sensed the excitement and the reverence.

The sun rose. I delivered my salutation and was humbled by my smallness. I asked for a Blessing and offered my energy in return. I vowed to preserve as much energy as I could. Stop boiling kettles for cups of tea that then don't get made, turn off the lights when not needed, recycle and buy recycled goods, share lifts. Small offerings made in gratitude.

Solstice Blessings!

Bring on the Fire

Only one client today. I turned down two others - it was entirely for self protection. I have to contain the paperwork monster and its becoming clear that a day a week is minimum requirement to keep from being dragged off by said monster and kept in a dungeon.

I had a client phone up last night - she wanted at least half an hour free therapy on the phone. I had had a drink so I was not able to oblige. I had a client get rather irritated when I refused to do an hour and a half session at 6pm tonight. (making my finishing time 7.30) - even though I explained that I really do not have the energy or resources to work that late on a Friday (I am fried). I also had a client leave a number of messages wanting to turn up at lunch time today to be squeezed in. Again I said no - I had plans to catch up. I do find it hard to say no but am learning that no one is going to say no for me (or rescue me from my own helpfulness) so I have to do it for myself.

I am also attempting to make my experience a little more of a soul satisfying experience. I get rather depressed in clinical reality and have to have something a little spiritual to be able to breathe and feel ok. So just before I tackle the pile I am popping out to get a 'Fire' candle to burn in my study. It is the Solstice tomorrow and for me this marks the end of the realm of Air - logic, thought and academic endeavour and into the new era of Fire - passion, inspiration, action and productivity. So I am going to get a bright red candle and light it, and invite its dancing flame to inspire me to greater productivity and inspirational achievement.

Catch you later!

So missed this

Hello, hello, hello. So missed blogging. I really have. So good to be doing it again. I love being creative and have to say that Tony inspired me today - he has started following me on Twitter. Now there is another little something that I have been neglecting - so thanks Graffiti, your little smidgen of attention has worked wonders :o)

Things are OK for me at the moment but I have been neglecting my friends. I have been so caught up in all the hoops I have to pass through to be recognised as a competent human being that I have lost touch with everyone.

So my apologies you wonderful people. I really value being part of networks. I so love everyones'individuality, the special things ... the nuances of character.

In fact I may indulge in a little Boboesque stroke fest of all of you on my blog roll - because you are all ace! I am feeling all loved up and happy.

I am going to a festival too ... first time so its just a Saturday day pass but its a step forward. Life is soooo good! I feel like I am finally where I should have been, the road less travelled worked out Ok in the end.

Love you all!

My Admin week is over - woo hoo!

Its done - its all sorted!

That means its not really done but its all arranged into pretty paper folders with 'to do' lists relevant to each folder inserted in the front cover.

Phew! What a relief.

I have managed to do a lot too - got lots of niggly jobs done - I know where I am and its a satisfying feeling.

I am also aware of what a tedious madam I have become on this blog. Must reconnect to a bit of proper Queeny - start debating some spiritual issues etc

However my Faerie guide this new moon was quite clear - GET THE BLOODY JOBS DONE THEN PLAY!

That's not really my Script pattern - I like having fun first then paying a heavy price - but I have buckled down (winged, moaned and bewailed my fate) and have done it. I feel all fresh and sparkly! Will be even more sparkly soon as I have a Lush glittery bath ballistic to use - it promises to contain a silver butterfly inside its fizzing glory.

I shall let you know!

I am taking my African Shaman into the bath with me - not literally of course (damn it) but in literary form. Malidoma Patrice Some - check out his writing, it is exquisite; really moving stuff about the clash of culture. Its sounds heavy but somehow its not - the human spirit soars from its pages and his reverence for the earth, its spirit and manhood is breathtaking.

Manhood is currently a big topic for me - so many lost young men come to me seeking help (psychologically) and there is work to be done in empowering men again, empowering them to be true men with strength, sensitivity and spiritual wisdom.

I shall debate it more - at least that last little paragraph was a tad more interesting than my organisational exploits.

Take care y'all! xxx

Such a mix

I have 5 minutes before QI so I will be quick. My week of admin is grinding to a halt - it has been an at the coal face sort of a week - the sort of a week I run a mile from. All practicality and jobs that HAVE to be done. I like to inhabit a twilight world of vaguely clever fantasy ordinarily but this week the bills, the course requirements, the job criteria and hell! the parking fines all intervened and squatted in a bit ugly pile on my version of reality.

Just looking down my list of things still to do,

Update my logs
CRB check (buggered up the first attempt)
Write Section C - too much admin cluttered my ability to create
Prepare for my group Tuesday
Join BACP - still too daunting, the 70 page long form is hiding under the bed waiting to terrorise me in the long, dark night.
Send off deposit for a wonderful family constellations course.
Pay speeding fine
Blog (well there is one success)
Renew my Pagan Federation membership
Research the Goddess Conference, local music festival and highly dodgy couples workshop
Work out whether to go to Peru next year on a walking challenge.

Still lots to do - and I have left stuff out. At least I know what it is - knowledge is the first part of the sorting process.

Hope to blog tomorrow - in the meantime Steven Fry beckons!

Skint with a week off

Hello all!

Once again I apologise for being sloppy with my blogging. I went away to Glastonbury for the weekend and took leave of my senses in the wierdy shops ... I spent a lot. The Buddhists would have me down for a lot of self grasping behaviour, the wiccans would celebrate the abundance. I am just going to have to stay in for 3 weeks with no trips out, treats or meals with friends in order to make up for my excessive spending spree.

Still, I got some great stuff - lots of books, incense, witchy things and a particularly phallic fire candle in readiness for Solstice in June. Job done!

I am having a week off to catch up on all my admin and paperwork and to write Section C of my dissertation. Unfortunately admin and paperwork is necessary to secure my new job whereas the dissertation can afford to drift by a couple of months. There are a lot of 'chicken and egg' decisions to make at the moment. What comes first? What needs to be done to facilitate the rest - kind of stuff. I am doing my best to stay cheerful but nothing puts me in a foul mood more than an 'epitome of the nanny state, prove you actually exist and are not a two headed Mongolian, anal, crappy, rant provoking' CRB check.

Right I am off to do a bit of shopping in Derby - not personal shopping but birthday shopping for my dear old Mum (all budgeted for) then its back to the CRB check, the Uni application form, the BACP accreditation form (70 bloody pages long - can you believe it? - I cant).

Will catch you later. Hugs xxxx

Rat Race

Just a quickie as I am in the middle of preparation for work tomorrow.

I feel as if I am on a treadmill - trudging along. My optimistic and slightly eccentric outlook on life sometimes deserts me, often due to hormonal reasons or overwork or stuff that's going on but by and large I am able to enjoy things, drink the elixir of life, squeal with pleasure ... you get the picture!

Not so tonight.

I have seen clients back to back throughout the day. The last one did not finish till 5.30, got stuck in traffic which meant I did not get home till 6.45. I have eaten my meagre but healthy dinner and now I am back in my office preparing for work tomorrow!

So, I ask myself, is this it? Is this what life is going to be like for the next umpteen years. Now in my rational moments I know this is not true. There is so much exciting and wonderful stuff going on in my life at the moment I can barely get a full nights sleep due to anticipation. Not so tonight - tonight it seems bleak.

After running off my handouts for my over 35's group (all relationship stuff) and catching up on my screening intakes, and a letter to an errant patient I have to boldly go into the kitchen to prepare for tomorrows lunch.

Tomorrow the alarm will go off at 7am - up for a run, shower, breakfast, drive to work, work, eat prepared lunch, more work, drive home, eat meagre dinner, prepare for presentation the following day, back into kitchen to prepare tomorrows lunch ... and so on.

Oh grizzly.

I need my fairy goggles so it can all seem magical again.

Funny what too much progesterone can do for one. Sigh!

Wow I can post again.

I have not been able to post. No matter how hard I tried. No matter how much positive thinking was employed. My dashboard would not work.

I considered uninstalling Norton antivirus - I appealed to the all knowing Bobo for advice - but thankfully Blogger have sorted it.

Normal service has been resumed.

Got loads to say but have just drank a bottle of cider and a bottle of wine so its a bloody wonder I am managing to write anything.

Must tell you about my moot ... and about the Age of Horus ... and about shamanism in general. I met a real live shaman this week, someone who had been to the edge of death and seen stuff ... moot chieftan to boot. See I have loads to say but just to pissed to say it.

Love ya all!

Every one is getting better ...

I am always amazed and entranced by how the universe works - how expectation affects what happens; how the flow of events creates evolution and change.

Last year I was inundated with private psychotherapy clients - I could hardly afford to fit in my NHS work. Then I took out a bold and expensive advert in Yellow Pages which I was assured would boost my business even more. There was a move from the psychoanalysis into the counselling section (statistically more enquiries), plus a carefully crafted advert guaranteed to bring in the clients.

At the same time I was offered more hours in the NHS and I began to attach to my work there, to the people (ex-mining community struggling to come to terms with the disappearance of their heritage)- my focus subtly changed. Suddenly I wanted the paid job more than the vagaries of being self employed. I relished the diversity of clients, people from all backgrounds - I found managing waiting lists and dealing with issues of accessibility challenging and rewarding. I loved the earthy nature of the community which was embracing me.

Hey Presto!

My Yellow Pages add has been a disaster. One enquiry only. My private business has reduced to no more than £175 a week. My NHS work now pays the bills.

I find myself in a position where I am on the threshold of having a full time job that is well paid and secure. My only concern has been for my remaining private clients. I still need time for them. Yet this week 6 of my remaining 10 have bounced in to my therapy room having integrated the changes we have been working on together - the changes are holding and they are better! Slowly but surely these wonderful people are leaving me and growing, moving forward into a brighter adulthood. They no longer need me to hold them but are embracing a future with the resources to cope for themselves. It is both sad and wonderful, humbling ... bitter sweet.

So here I am feeling truly grateful for how this incredible unfolding that we call life works. Grateful for the mechanics of experience. The path is almost clear for me to emerge from this phase and into the next.

Of course I am aware that I may not get the full time post - if so then I believe that I will flow into the next stage anyway, the place I am meant to be. You may call it faith ... so what if it is. Faith can and does move mountains.

I love my job.

I love working with people; the respect and the intimacy. I love being a midwife for rebirth.

Have a great bank holiday. Breathe and enjoy.

Beltane

Last night I had one of those girlie nights - ie cauldrons, athames and velvet dresses with unnecessarily plunging necklines.

Its Beltane today/tomorrow. Time of rampant desire and unbridled sexual passion - well at least that's the plan.

All of us jumped the Beltane fire (candle in a cauldron) and I called in a number of energies. One of which was my sparkle. My long term readers will know that my 'sparkle' is vitally important to my well being, and some would say defines who I am. Of late it has been rather feeble. Rather too much going on - most of it tricky stuff that has been rather draining - however there is a stirring. Most definitely.

I invoked my Goddess Freya - so that means my sparkle is guaranteed to return in shed loads.

Spring helps - all of those buds, and sproutings. New jobs beckon. New experiences entice with delicious promise. I called in new friends as well as old and much loved ones. I called in health and vitality, passion and adventure.

Retreats are top of the list - open rituals in groups, drumming out of doors, lots of life enhancing stuff.

Ok so the dissertation has to be written and the new Masters embarked upon.... but as well as that there is the Druidry course and World of Warcraft (my reward for completion of my tasks) new books to be read, new music to be transported by, new films to see. Lots of it - as well as a deepening of all that is in my life already. Drink deeply and life will not disappoint.

Here's to a sparkly future!